Advice on Birth Parent questions

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Hi, we are soon to meet the Birth Parents (separately) and have the opportunity to ask questions. I want to respect their feelings and don't want to 'interrogate' them, so I need gentle items to ask that might give our child comfort and clarity later on. Any advice?

Hi. Hope it goes well.

We asked how they chose the children's names for one thing.

Tbh they had loads of questions for us

Same here, we asked about the children's names. Conversation with mum flowed really easily, she had questions for us no awkward silences. Dad was different, he was clearly on something, not really present and it lasted less than 5 mins. But we have a photo of us with ea h of them our kids love to look at.

I asked, as others, about their names.

I also asked if there was a happy memory or anything they would like me to share once my children were old enough. (Sadly, what they thought of as a happy memory was one of my children's scariest memories.)

Linked to that, I asked if they had any message they would like me to pass on in the future (that one was suggested by my social worker).

It was a very odd meeting - perhaps unusual in that my children had already been with me well over a year? (In our LA it is more common to meet birth family before introductions.) I would suggest having a plan for some time to yourselves after the meeting - not rushing back to work or to your child.

Yes as PP said a photo is the important thing,and really good to meet them to help you connect in letterbox going forward.have a few questions ready,like asking their likes and dislikes,things they enjoyed at school etc,things you can tell a child, favourite animals etc and why they chose the name yes.

Have some questions ready, but also be prepared for them not being able to answer them so nothing that feels too important. Our birth mum in the end just couldn’t meet us, it was too difficult for her despite her really wanting to. I guess I’d say keep things as light as you can from your end, it’ll be tough on you all so give yourself permission to take things as they come rather than having a clear agenda.

Thanks everyone for such helpful and kind responses - much appreciated! 🩷

I’m coming late to the party but my tuppenceworth is to ask both birth parents if they could provide photos of themselves in various stages of their childhoods? Our children have huge missing bits of their identities and it can be helpful for them to know if they have birth father’s eyes or birth Mums nose for example. Also, it can be extremely helpful to know of any medical issues or diagnoses on either side of the birth families. My AD1, who is now blind, had to have surgeries on her eyes when she was five and I did not know if she was allergic to anaesthetic or not; it was a risk. Also, AD2 projectile vomited on the only occasion I gave her salmon; I later learned that birth father was allergic!