And so it starts

[Seahorsesplendour]

The run up to school has started the meltdowns are gaining momentum despite our best efforts. I wish the summer was longer

You have my sympathy. We’re having tantrums from the other end of the scale - this is our first summer with our LO and he’s too little to understand school etc however, the loss of routine has apparently tipped him over the edge.
Everything we’ve built up (mealtimes, a balanced diet, time with family, bedtime routine, sleep) has fallen away like it’s too much for him to cope with.

I’m obviously new to this so I have no advice to offer but absolutely take a dollop of sympathy and solidarity from me. It’s bloody hard.

Same. I’m dreading the return to school. I feel sick when I think of it.

👋 both always good to know we’re not alone!! Thanks for your messages!

DP was at work yesterday and was one of those days that I was all PACED out & exhausted & grumpy by bed time!!

It helped posting & letting it out!!

@FinallyMummy how long has LO been with you? Sympathy grateful accepted and coming back around! Change of routine is so hard when they’re little and new, sending solidarity back your way too I remember it well!!

I would say give yourself a break over things that you can relax on, diet etc and just focus on the basics, attachment , safety etc.

@Rainallnight me too, how old is/are yours? Maybe we can post here for acceptance & just to remind ourselves we’re not alone!

our LO going into year 3. Reception & year 1 were slightly rocky on occasion but mostly positive.

Yr 2 despite having an amazing teacher was really really tough for him and I feel it’s only going to get harder and am dreading it.

light on horizon is upcoming ehcp assessment which (hopefully) will include sensory integration assessment and I’m holding on to hope that this will enable the right support for him.

anyone else dreading return to school or just struggling in general feel free to join us ❤️‍🩹

@Seahorsesplendour he’s been here 9 months ish (vague for obvious reasons).

Thank you for the support 💐
I’ve given up on some things - for example he’s back in our bed tonight and has been for the last week because we were all sleep deprived and it made everything harder .
Back to basics sounds like something I need to have written on my fridge or something - it’s so obvious but also easy to forget when you’re pulling your hair out from the millionth kick off of the day!

Good luck on the ehcp assessment. DH works in a school and has said support is hard to get to you really have to fight for it.
what is sensory integration (sorry for silly question, our LO is right at the start of nursery/school so we may have this to come).

I wish the summer was longer too! I'm not looking forward to the battles with getting ready in the morning and the return of school related anxiety. (I am looking forward to a bit more time to myself though! 😁)

My LO is also y2 moving to y3. Yesterday he found something from school and asked me to get rid of it because he didn't want to think about school. Tonight, he was talking about school at bedtime so it's already starting to play on his mind.

@FinallyMummy Sleep deprivation is brutal! Obviously the baby days were what they were but as he got older we were really hot on him being in his own room then just after he started reception we went through a tough time as a family (he settled well at school!) which ended in bereavement but meant either one of us was away often at night and he found this really tough and ended up in our bed! We attempted to get him back in his own but never really worked then 18months later we moved house & he struggled massively with that so has been in our bed ever since- luckily we have a big room with an extra bed in (currently!)

not the best things for me & dp but absolutely aids survival!

what it also gives us insights into his inner turmoils he is often very restless & talks a lot in his sleep!

not saying it’s the right thing for everyone but night time & morning snuggles definitely help us move past the less fluffy parts of the day!

everyone including professionals assure us he won’t need it for ever but does seem to help him currently!!

not saying you should embrace it, just sharing our experience in case it helps either way!! 🙈

Sensory integration assessment was a recommended outcome of a post adoption assessment we were lucky enough to access through the ASF.

It’s carried out by an OT to explore difficulties in sensory processing which can have a huge impact on many areas and really impact learning, communication, behavioural responses etc.

They declined initial request for ehcp but we got this overturned at mediation many people have said this will be the first battle of many!! Luckily school are really supportive!!

if I’d known a few years ago what I know now I’d have started all this off a lot sooner! An outcome of the ASF assessment was us habing a much clearer understanding of certain aspects of him which has improved the support we can offer him.

@Misstabithabean yes we’re getting lots of mentions of school now too , we’ve been looking at his transition book through the holiday and he loved it early on, the nearer it’s getting the less willing he is!!

we had a lovely 4 weeks of a very reasonable window of tolerance, and really seeing him enjoy life was such a joy!

school anxiety is awful I’m dreading the first week and the return of the battles too!!

hopefully posting can help us through!!!

Adopter and teacher here. Remember to check out the IPSEA website for all things EHCP related.

@Therapeutic70 thank you for the info! I’ll have a look!!

You have my sympathy, sounds so difficult and the build up anxiety heading into next week must be awful.

However I can't wait until next week! We experience the opposite; a lot of mourning and feeling of rejection from school over summer. I will say though this has been out best summer yet by far and I'm so proud of how far they've come.

Both are very social, AD1 is the oldest in her year and very bright which I think gives her a bit of a boost, and she's in a brilliant, small school in a very rough area, the staff aren't really phased by much. Although I don't know how school will pan out in the future, especially secondary, shes loving it now. AD2 is at a special school, she adores it and all summer any time we've driven nearby to it she's got very excited!

@Beetham thanks for the sympathy! It’s appreciated!

its lovely to hear about your daughters & I’m glad you’ve had a positive summer!! They sound fabulous! 🤗 sounds like you have 2 very different sets of needs to meet!! Glad they’re loving school!! Hope you get to enjoy a bit of r&r once they’re back!!!

A couple of intense moments of big feelings today which I think are linked to hols ending and school looming. We have family staying and they are leaving tomorrow so another ending which LO finds tricky. I'm also feeling a bit emotional after I felt my parenting was being judged!

@Seahorsesplendour @FinallyMummy lo ends up in our bed most nights and has for the last 5-6 years. Sleep still gets broken but I agree that it makes life easier!

@Misstabithabean sending hugs your way ,feeling like your parenting is being watched/judged is exhausting & as you say raises big emotions!

I try desperately to hold on to that knowledge that I have to do what works for my child not what society or individuals think is the correct way to manage a situation and that other people can keep their opinions! It’s hard enough to hold that when it’s strangers judging but so much harder with family!

it may just be me that feels this but I always think being an adoptive mom means I feel like I’ve got more to prove somehow that if I don’t get it right then I’ve failed at my self imposed choices in life. It’s hard to explain and utterly ridiculous & illogical but there it is!

so you have my sympathy!

transitions are hard here too! Sending best wishes for today!!

we’ve got a fun day out with friends today so the excitement is high this morning!!! 😅

Thanks @Seahorsesplendour . Hope your day with friends went well.

I completely get what you say about feeling you have more to prove and concerns about getting it wrong.
For me, I think some of that is linked to having to jump through so many hoops to become parents and having to prove to SW and panels that you would make good enough parents. I think the other (bigger) part is linked to wanting to get it right for my son. He has had no say in my choice to become a parent so for his benefit I have to get it right!

I find I'm doubting myself more recently. When he was younger and it was more about the physical care I felt relatively confident in what I was doing. Now he's getting older and it's more about helping him manage his emotions and navigate life I feel like I don't always know the best way forward. Ultimately, I know I'm doing the best I can but it's hard going at times!!

@Misstabithabean we had a great day thanks!! Ds really enjoyed it!! Few episodes where the excitement got too much but a few calm moments and strategic hugs got us through mostly unscathed!! His friends know him well and know to give him space at certain times so this helped!!

was the first time we have taken them without their parents so was a bit nerve wracking tbh so was relieved all went well!!!

totally on the same page about the doubting myself more recently!! Parenting decisions definitely get more complex the older they get & somehow feel more weighted!!

we’ve identified recently we’re struggling to move on to the next level with his life story stuff, complicated by some developmental delay but it’s hard to move the story on from what we’ve always discussed!

are currently having DDP through the asf so I’m hoping we come out of the other end feeling more empowered & with a plan!

i know we always try to do our best for him but it’s so hard to not second guess our decisions!

hope you’re having a good weekend?

Same here, the back-to-school build-up always feels harder than the actual first day. We’ve started bringing bedtime forward and doing a bit of school morning practice to take the edge off, but the meltdowns still happen. You’re definitely not alone, I’m already counting down to half-term

@JollyMintWasp i hear you!! Roll on October!!!

having said that we have managed a lovely calm and happy day somehow today!

Lots of bouncing on the trampoline followed by reading under a duvet on the trampoline followed by lopping a magnolia tree (I did the lopping & he pulled out all the cut off branches and then attempted to de-leaf them with a (plastic) sword!! It was all very dramatic and amusing but kept the meltdowns at bay wonderfully!!!

good luck to everyone starting this week!!!

only 3 days until the weekend!!!!

How’s everyone getting on here? The start yesterday was a glorious anticlimax and he went in with no issues at all!! Little wobble when dropped of st nan’s today but recovered quickly & has had a lovely day!! Thankfully school have said no work just fun and relationship building for first week so he’s loving it so far!!! 😂

“At nan’s” that should say altho she is quite saintly all the support she gives us!! 🤣😂🤣

Happy weekend, everyone! The first few days back at school went well. LO came out with positive stories about school each day and seemed happy enough. But had a big meltdown on Thurs with lots of screaming and was wobbly about going in on Friday.

I'm glad it's been a shorter week as he's found it very tiring and the after school collapse is probably due to having to hold it all together for long periods during the school day.

We have a lovely weekend planned. Then I'm parenting solo for a few days as DH is away for work.

@Seahorsesplendour I'd love a supportive nan, saintly or otherwise! Our GPs don't live locally so can't help out and struggle with aspects of therapeutic parenting. Yours sounds fabulous!

@Misstabithabean hope you had a good weekend? Hope the solo parenting has got off to a manageable start!!! Our lo is always so on edge if one of us isn’t here so I feel for you!!!

we managed a good day yesterday keeping it all very relaxed and as low demand as we could.

Saturday we had certain things we had to get done and it was an explosive day to say the least!!

it’s fair to say he let out some BIG emotions and we were all glad of an early bed time!!

he has gone in today but was heartbreakingly sad he didn’t fight it just sobbed , honestly I find that harder than a battle .

Im just holding on to the hope that some of the current interventions help in the long run!!

@Seahorsesplendour good weekend thanks and solo parenting this week has gone well. We even got through a day with me being unwell and DS being very sweet with trying to help out. DH is back now which should make things easier as I'm still not 100%.

How have the rest of your school drop offs been? Seeing your LO so upset is really tough. I agree that tears can be harder than when they dig their heels in.

Our DS is enjoying the novelty of the new term at the moment. He comes out very happy at the end of the day but the next morning starts with him saying he doesn't want to go in!

Apologies @Misstabithabean I’m really glad all was going smoothly at your end and hope it still is!!!

very mixed here!! More bad days than good but school being really supportive!

he has chill time with fidget toys and can go into class when he’s ready which seems to have helped a little!

last 2 mornings were much better so enjoying it while it lasts!!!

roll on half term!!!