Adult adoptee still struggling

[JustMeAndTheFish]

Just that really.
Adopted over 60 years ago at 6 weeks old. Must have been mentioned in front of me as a child but have no recollection of “being told”, tho I do remember a spectacular row at age 18 when I accused my parents of not telling me.
I traced my BM 25 years ago; we’re in fairly regular touch and have met twice. I chose not to tell my parents and still think that was the correct decision.
But adopted child syndrome is real; I look back at some of my teen/early adult behaviours and am horrified. I’m still no good at relationships.
Anyone else in a similar boat?

Sorry to hear that. I'm an adopter - nowadays children are told and given info on birth family.

Have you read The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier? I saw her speak many years ago. The audience was full of adult adoptees who feel like you.

I think being able to forgive your younger self is key, recognising you were dealing with some very difficult emotions without the necessary skills, because you were still young and learning. Relationships are difficult enough without adoption thrown into the mix - as an adoptive mum I can see my own kids struggles to feel secure in friendships. It’s hard because it’s hard, not because you’ve missed a magic wand.

Thank you. Back then it was supposed to be forever with no information but the rules changed and I had to go through a social worker.
I haven’t heard of Nancy Verrier but am off to look her up!

Thank you Jellycatspyjamas.
Security is definitely an issue together with people pleasing and low self esteem. I both behaved and treated some people very badly without any comprehension of where those feelings were coming from.
Someone mentioned adopted child syndrome to me many years later and it ticks all my boxes.
My dad is now extremely elderly and I’ve decided that when he dies I’m going to get some good counselling.

Counselling is a good shout. I’d suggest a relationship based therapy, probably psychodynamic rather that a behaviour based therapy like CBT. It’s difficult but a good relationship based therapist will make the world of a difference because they’ll see what’s happening in the therapeutic relationship and know how to hold you safely while you work things out.

@JustMeAndTheFish this sounds really complicated and difficult. I'm not adopted, and my kids are very little still, so I don't have any lived experience of adopted adulthood, but the only thing that stood out to me was waiting until your dad dies for counselling. Would it be a idea to maybe start counselling prior to his death so that you have a chance to work through things as they happen, and say anything you realise you want to say with the support of a therapist?