Birth family have our address

[greenbeans12]

We’ve received post from AD’s extended birth family - addressed using her birth surname but to our address.

It’s definitely not been sent via social worker / letter box as it’s the original envelop and the content is not appropriate so wouldn’t have been sent onto us… but the bigger concern is that they have our address. Birth family live 30-45 mins away so the distance didn’t feel hugely comfortable anyway but this changes everything.

We’ve raised with social worker and the source of the breach is being investigated (surely must be from social services or the court though!)

Do we simply have to accept they have it and we’re now very traceable? Do we/SW contact them acknowledging the situation and asking them not to do it again, or does that confirm they have the right address? Social workers are maintaining they feel birth family is low risk and unlikely to come to the house but I don’t have a lot of faith and am worried I’ll constantly be looking over my shoulder.

Equally, we own our home and moving would be very disruptive to AD emotionally and socially, so I hope we can avoid this.

Would love to hear if anyone else has experienced this and what you decided to do about it. Thanks in advance.

Does it have their address on it inside? Could you send it back not known at this address, saying you opened it to find return address?

Could it be the foster carer? (I am an old adoptee and don't mean to say the wrong thing but I wonder if this could be another angle to consider.)

I would absolutely not trust the social services comment the family is low risk and won't turn up. Sorry. I'd be very worried, especially if the letter was inappropriate and I'd be escalating this hard.

You're not on the online electoral roll right?

Have you checked your public profiles ruthlessly? Including work bios etc.

You should do this before yiu think of a move in order to understand if they could find you again quickly anyway.

Im sorry, this is hard.

In risk assessing this id also do my own background checks on them now that the cat is out of the bag.

How many years has LO been with you?

Thanks all.

LO has been with us a year. Previous placement doesn’t know our address, and we’re definitely locked down re electoral register, socials etc.

Good idea re our own background checks. I’ve always avoided as didn’t want our profiles to pop up on their suggested friends etc but maybe I can find a way round that by creating a burner account.

Can’t find any social profiles etc. so no luck with this.

We had issues with this but through the FC knowing our address and being in very close contact to Birth Mum who was known for violence, drugs etc.

Honestly, we ended up moving 18 months after LO came home. It was hugely stressful and LO needed a lot of co-regulation (no family looking after them on moving day for us! They were attached at the hip!) but honestly it did all work out. We have such peace of mind now. Two years later LO is in school, has new friends, settled, thriving and we are closer to family.

Sorry if that’s not very helpful for you!

I would be very concerned too. I would also be expecting social services to issue a cease and desist letter. The birth mum clearly have not considered the effect on the child or you as parents.

as a birth mum even IF I knew where my child was I wouldn’t a attempt to contact them- it’s unsettling for all involved and I want all of us to be able to access appropriate support if a time comes that my son wants contact with me or his little brother. (His younger brother is in my care) unfortunately this mum doesn’t seem to be able to consider what her child needs or put this first.

i am sorry this is happening to you

How are you getting on @OurChristmasMiracle

@Ted27 I am really well thank you. My youngest is no longer a “baby” hes now a tornado toddler and keeps me so busy!

how are you and your family?

If it is due to the breach of the LA they should pay come compensation towards you having to move. It would be a very serious breach and may be worth instructing solicitors to assist you. I am sorry this has happened, it is devastating and I would be so unsettled that I would have to move home, personally. It's unlikely that the birth family would ever try to cause harm but it would always in the back of your mind that they will turn up and approach you or your child

@OurChristmasMiracle
We are good thank you. Not so little anymore boy is 21 on Thursday ! Enjoying life at uni.

this happened to us as well. It was before we had adopted but our son was placed with us in a secure Foster placement due to fears around the birth parents.
We also couldn't move for v complex reasons and I did worry but that was over ten years ago now and we never had any issues thankfully. Hopefully you won't either.
Don't forget sometimes birth families lead quite chaotic lives and organising themselves to travel to your area and physically track you down may well be too much effort. That was certainly the case in our situation . So really hope you don't have any issues either x