I agree with everyone above! There is also the fact that kids can be a huge unknown quantity at public events. Even now my eldest gets severe anxiety and acts the goat as a result. He won't sit on a chair, makes random noises, shouts at his brother.... Fromthe POV of the person getting married, would I want a co workers kids potentially disrupting the ceremony? Maybe not 🤣
you will be so soon into placement you might not have any realistic idea of how they might behave, and whether or would be over and above the scope of what is normal for kids that age, and it might also be difficult to know what sensory stuff they will need. Don't underestimate a two year olds ability to be incredibly and consistently disruptive to the point of stopping any enjoyment!
It's hard to feel like you are missing out, and I agreed that one of you popping off to a wedding won't make much of a difference to the routine in the long run, but I wouldn't be taking the kids on any long journeys or public social events for a few months if they are mobile/capable of causing chaos, if only for your own sanity and social standing. Nobody wants their kids to be the one who toppled the wedding cake or ran in front of the bride and groom as they said their vows, especially if you are not particularly close to the couple getting married. If it was your own brother or a birth child or something like that, there is the problem they might be missing out on a key family occasion, but if it was more distant I would be less inclined to bring them.
I would also be wary of wedding 3 being the first time DH is left on his own with the kids for any extended period of time, in a different, possibly non baby proofed place, on full parenting skills display with people who are probably lovely but may not truly understand therapeutic parenting, with kids who are away from their new home for the first tim, with new and interesting people to tantrum in front of, and one of their new attachment figures having just left, and for a whole wedding. There are a lot of moving parts there, and I would be more tempted to say DH can keep them at home on his own, then if he really wants to meet the grandparents that weekend, have them come to yours for a little afternoon out, back home and bed in the normal way. The memories of transition will still be quite fresh anyway, so they might find it tricky. Plus, packing for anything and everything the kids will need is an absolute ball ache, and really stressful when you have kids who still need loads of stuff for consistency. We went away to visit my parents for 2 nights(we stayed in a hotel the first time because my parents find it hard not to offer unsolicited opinions and our kids are buck wild, so we knew everyone would need a break from one another) and the car was straining at the seams with teddies and spare clothes and safe foods and bottles and nappies and prams and weighted blankets and night lights because we just had no idea what we would need. Now we don't need half that stuff, but that's because we spent ages doing trial and error in emotionally neutral places like hotels and slowly increased the length of short daytime visits to relatives houses. The initial planning so that those visits could be successful was quite a lot, and for us it was important that we set the kids up to be as successful as possible because it formed the basis of their future relationships. But it is stressful and so early into placement it might be just one thing you don't need.
Overall, I would be saying DH, the children are yours for the weekend of wedding 3, you go ahead and have a lovely time sticking to the bedtime routine, I'll be over here dancing the night away and having a blast 🤣 it builds DH confidence and allows you to let your hair down a bit.
Whatever you decide, enjoy!