DD has changed her name

[NameChangeQuandry]

My adult adopted DD has changed her name by deed poll.
I am really struggling. She gave us around a year's notice but had been using the new name for some time before that with friends.

Everyone on MN normally says it is their name etc etc etc. I know this in my head. I even to some extent understand why she is doing this. New name, new life.

But even though I didn't name her it is hard.
. I feel sorry for BM as that will be a kick in the teeth for her when she finds out
. My other DC feels even more than before that their sibling is lost to them
. I brought up a child with a certain name. I now get cards from what feels like a stranger.
. She didn't discuss this with us at all, just announced it
. It isn't a usual name, it is a kind of fantasy one.

When I was a teenager I wanted a very odd hippy name but changed my mind by the time I was old enough. I did however legally change my name to my nickname and also changed a bit about the rest of the name a few years later. I was really surprised when my family were bothered. For me it was my name not anyone else's and it just occur to me. It's much more common culturally in young adults now. I think this is one of those things you are going to have to let go of even though I get now why it would have an impacted on others

I think this is one of those things you are going to have to let go of

That is indeed true, I have already added it to to the (quite large) pile of things already 'let go of'. (I can't really let go, but at least on a pile of 'things that are past and I can't change, but can only choose not to focus on'.)

I just feel sad at how DD goes about things. There are a number of things in the past few years where, had she approached them differently, she would have had the same main outcome, but without causing distress and upset to those around her, damaging her relationships with friends and family.

My older sister (not adopted) changed her name mid twenties. I don’t know how my parents felt about this but they always addressed her/referred to her by her chosen name and we were encouraged to do the same. Her new name soon became her name and it’s been many years since we’ve thought of her original name as anything but a middle name (she added it to her middle name). I did use her birth name as a middle name for my daughter though as I loved it.