Panel decision deferred

[Ori23]

Hi all,

We had adoption panel recently and they’re deferring the decision. The chair did say it wasn’t a no and we had a lot of positives but we are devastated as it still feels like a rejection.

We’re awaiting the detailed feedback but they said it was our lack of child care experience and I think they indicated they felt we were underestimating the realities of adopting children, which obviously we disagreed with.

Our social worker and their manager both seem surprised by the decision but think it might have something to do with us looking at adopting siblings as first time parents and so panel was being a lot more thorough.

Has anyone had a similar experience or any advice they could offer? We knew this was an option but everything we’ve heard and read always seems to say you go to panel, get approved and here’s what comes next.

We feel like we’ve done a complete 180 from being excited to start matching to feeling like the journey may be ending here. It’s so disheartening and we just feel stuck in limbo.

So the SW was unequivocal in their report that you were capable and no reservations at all?

For how long deferring?

Yeah no concerns raised at all and our PAR was signed off by the manager who themselves is an experienced panel member so we were all taken aback by the decision.

We haven’t been told yet unfortunately

Don’t despair, it isn’t a definite no. Children needing adoption bring many challenges and this can’t be underestimated - you need to be as prepared as you can possibly be.
Once you see the report, you can sit with your social worker and work through the areas which were felt (for the moment) to be lacking or needing further work.
You’ve got this far, so hopefully will be back at panel before too long. Good luck.

This is very unusual

I know several people who were deferred. Chances are they will give you homework, like volunteering with disabled children or sth.

The thing to be aware of though is that if they turn you down you can appeal. If you are deferred with a "come back in 6 months when you've done x" im not sure if you can appeal it or not. Check with your sw.

It's another hoop tbh. I had zero parenting experience, did no working with kids and wasnt asked to. Of course it was a real struggle for me at first and I should have been more prepared.

Good luck.

Thank you.

I think it’s just the initial shock and hopefully things will seem better in a few days. We just hope the feedback is clear so we can tackle the further work in good time.

Thank you! Hearing you know of people who have been in a similar position is good to know.

Yeah, we’re anticipating some homework and hopeful it’s just a hoop to jump through!

We went from zero to 2 DC (2.5 and 8), and it was very tough especially in the first few months.
I had volunteered at a pre school and an after school club weekly from start of homestudy all the way to placement so around 2.5 years and it definitely helped my confidence with 'unknown' children. I think it also helped us get matched too.

Hopefully you will get some good guidance on what more panel are looking for.

Don't despair, there is hope - we were deferred at approval panel, and many years down the road have just seen our strapping teenage AS head off to scout camp. The report should be really helpful in identifying what has happened and the hoops that need to be jumped through. It may also reveal any inconsistent or concerning practices. In our case we had the minutes of the meeting which revealed that our social worker pulled the rug out from under us in the meeting, even though the PAR was fine. There was also an inexperienced chair, who allowed the meeting to go off the rails. A follow up meeting was quickly arranged with the manager, we were allocated a new social worker, and a new panel arranged very quickly. We had to write a reply to items raised in the report, but most of these were along the lines of 'this was never raised by the social worker before the meeting'.
It is a horrible experience, and you may feel quite bruised and battered by it, and the uncertainty and anxiety is awful, so be gentle and compassionate with yourselves and each other. When you do get approved and get to matching panel, you may be able to present this experience as demonstrating your resilience and tenacity, as we were advised to do.
Good luck, will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Thank you.

Yeah we’re hopeful we’ll be able to come up with a plan to tackle the panels concerns

Thank you.

Its reassuring hearing about others who have been through similar and come out the other side.

I think now the initial shock is wearing off now so thinks are feeling more hopeful. As you say hopefully it’ll be something we can use in a positive way moving forward.

Thank you everyone for the support and helping to calm me down and to stop catastrophising. Things certainly feel a lot more hopeful now some time has past.

We carry on and get over this latest hurdle. Should all be worth it in the end.