Query on my future

[Rose2424]

Hi all. I’m new to this. I don’t want any judgements or anything.
I unfortunately had a corrupt social services worker and they basically took my daughter into a adoption on the basis that I have learning needs and because my daughter dad was abusive towards me and his ex and I got penalised for it even tho i managed to end that relationship. I also fell pregnant months later with another baby with my current partner and they done the same with no chances or anything but I was lucky that I was given a chance with my daughter and done everything right which baffles my brain. I see them and receive letters. Don’t wanna go into to much detail on here but happy if someone wanted to contact me privately etc.
My questions is, will I ever be able to have a baby in my care ever? I’m still young and do want to be given that opportunity to have a baby in mine and my partners care.
Thanks for listening

Absolutely yes you can. I know many families who have been able to keep a baby after losing earlier children to adoption.

My advice to you would be to ask for support. Your local authority have a responsibility to support you. Take every bit of support, therapy, counselling that you are offered. Try the freedom programme and ask to go on parenting courses. Give yourself time to grieve and recover and if you get pregnant, work with children’s services from early on.

My very best wishes to you x

Thank you Lucylucylucyloo. The problem with our social services local are that they are corrupt and I have no intentions of moving. I live in a nice quiet area and nice house with plenty of space and room. I’ve been with my current partner for 4 years now and had my youngest son put in adoption when he was born. I’m currently on contraception and due to have it renewed next year (which means I’ve had it for 5 years) but I’m not sure because I would like to be given a chance but not sure whether I will be or not. I’ll just worry in case I can’t have them? Xx

With all due respect the threshold to remove children is high, and the several mentions of corrupt social services suggests that’s you haven’t yet take responsibility for your role in their removal, yes people can and do go on to keep children after some have been removed, but it requires understanding what changes you need to make and putting the work in.

wishing you all the best in the future with the advice of working with social services who want the best for your child, as they know that adoption has a long life impact on the child and only want to go down that route as a last resort, don’t treat them as the enemy

I’m not being funny or anything but this is not my fault whatsoever. I have learning needs and autism and they took advantage of that and used that against me when i was and always was and going to be a good parent. What my ex did to his ex and his other children has absolutely nothing to do with me as never knew any of it until I had a child with him and him and his ex neglected the kids he had with her and that is something I would never dream of doing. U cannot sit there and say it’s my fault and I haven’t took responsibility coz there isn’t any responsibility to be taken as I have not done anything. I took my daughter to every appointment and took her to have every jab she needed, I was there 24/7 and done it all correct. Please don’t judge when u don’t no full picture

It’s very hard to give advice if you’re not sure what reasons were given for your children to be removed.
Social services are human therefore it’s reasonable to think there are great and awful social workers however, the process of removing a child from a birth parent and getting them adopted includes more than just social services. Often there are reports from doctors/medical advisers, police/emergency services if they were involved and everything goes through the courts and are reviewed and questioned by judges. They really don’t like doing it as it really does have a life long impact on the child.

I am both someone who adopted a child but also someone who has a distant relative who has lost more than 1 child to adoption.
She has considerable additional needs and while she really Did the things expected such as feeding, bathing, changing nappies etc, she did it in what was referred to a ‘textbook approach with no ability to deviate’ which basically means she changed baby every 2 hours whether the nappy was dirty or not and couldn’t comprehend responding to needs rather than sticking to the ‘rules’ she set to help herself.
In her case she genuinely believes everyone made a mistake but I can understand social services concerns - if her child was ill I think she would struggle to recognise it or know what to do.

I believe the opportunity to keep a child is a possibility after having some children removed however, it’s not likely if you are disagreeing with social services. They’re going to say you haven’t changed - the only option you have is to ask what they need to see from you then do that and more.

I’ve already said the reasons in previous comments etc. simply if ur comment is judging then don’t coz clearly u judge me when u don’t no me. I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong

I’m sorry if you read my response as judging, that wasn’t my intention.

I can see you mention an abusive relationship and while that can be a reason for removing a child, if you ended that relationship and essentially removed the threat, that wouldn’t be why your child was removed. It also wouldn’t make any sense for social workers to even think about that when you had a baby with someone else.

Unfortunately social services have concerns and the only thing you can do is talk to them. Do you have someone who can attend the meeting with you and make notes? This is what my relative did and it helped because the person who went with her wasn’t emotionally involved.
You should come out understanding why the decisions were made and what you’d need to show them for it not to happen again. If it’s not clear, they (social services) haven’t done their job properly.

I doubt you’ll ever be able to have a child and have no involvement from social services so you’d have to talk to them and work on what they ask you to.

Ok thank you

I’m not judging you. I’m trying to help you understand that social services do not want to remove children from birth families, and only do as a last resort. If you had another child and could not show social services understanding of why your previous children were removed beyond telling them it’s because they are corrupted and made a mistake, this will be a red flag to them.

keeping a child safe is more than taking them to appointments, cleaning and feeding them.

Yes there’s every chance you could parent a child from a new pregnancy. To do that you need to understand what social works concerns were about your previous children - beyond your sense of them being corrupt. The meeting notes, child protection reports etc will clearly note their concerns, you can ask for copies of you don’t have them.

Your learning needs may mean you need support both to understand their concerns and to parent safely. At the moment I’d avoid trying to conceive and focus on what they need to see in you to enable you to parent safely. Do you have someone who can explain the reports etc to you and can you set aside your understandable upset to hear what they are saying.