Year 7 high school has been the worst ever year of school.

[scarfonthestairs]

Does anyone else feel like this?
Ds has fasd and spd as well as all the trauma adoption brings.
Primary have always said he's clever, articulate and doing well. There's been a few moments but despite me repeatedly telling them he's a ticking time bomb they haven't listened.

High school has been horrific. Poor attendance ad he gets so dysregulated he sobs and refuses to go. Removed from lessons and placed in isolation nearly 10 times. Behaviour points every day (several a day) particuarly in mfl as due to his fasd he has short term memory issues and cannot contain the information.

We find out on 5th of June if we can progress with an ehcp. School are fully supportive. He has a ta for 21 hours a week but shares her with 2/3 other children in the classroom which isn't enough.

We've asked for removal from mfl so he can concentrate on other subjects but been told "we don't do that" . Asked for movement time between final two lessons of the day but instead behaviour manager will go and see him when they can.

We've been told he'd below target for all but 3 subjects. He is popular in school with students but insists teachers hate him. Ibe reassured him they don't but I genuinely think some do. Social services just refer us to virtual school. Virtual school say we should have a restorative circle to sort hos behaviour issues. But we need help with getting the correct support before the behaviour issues.

Has anyone else had high school start like this? (I realise I have yapped on ridiculously about this)

@scarfonthestairs
I think year 7 is a huge adjustment for all kids, my son struggled but settled down with a lot of help from school.

Your son is however clearly just not coping. I wonder if school is supportive of an EHCP because it will be an opportunity to say they can't meet his needs.
I think you need to take a long term view here and think about whether it's the right school for him.
If they won't take him out of mfl now, what will they be like in a few years time when you ask is he can drop some GCSEs? This happened to a friend of mine, not adopters but child with ASD/ADHD. Doing 9/10 GCSEs was too much. They wouldn't let her drop to 5 or 6 so she could have a chance of getting some because 'they just don't do that' She ended up out of school school at 14.

If they are dishing out behavior points and isolating him so much, then I wouldn't want to go either.
The EHCP is a chance for you to look elsewhere. This school really doesn't look promising for him.
Sorry its so hard

Oh God ive never thought of it like that before. But you're right.
I think in my head I'm thinking an ehcp will "solve" things.

@scarfonthestairs

I think take a step back. Why do you want your son to go there if he is beyond miserable. What are they actually offering him that's positive.
the EHCP is a tool, but implementing it properly is another matter.
Another story about my friend's daughter. She is also blind in one eye. Not a difficult disability to understand. One teacher seated her at the back of the class. She couldn't see the white board or teachers face, so her behaviour went downhill. So the teacher as a 'punishment ' brought her to the front. So her behaviour improved. So what did the teacher do ? Moved her back to the back of the class with the inevitable consequence. The teacher was insistent that she could therefore control her behaviour and she was choosing to cause trouble.
If the school does not have the right ethos the EHCP isn't going to solve the issues.
I'd say your son needs a nurturing school with a strong pastoral ethos.
Can you say that this school provides this?
Do you want to be battling with school for the next 5 years to be something they don't want to be?
Get the environment right and your son will settle and learn.

To be honest I'd start looking at alternatives now.
One last thing - over the years I've seen parents get themselves in knots over mainstream and special. My son attended both. They were the right schools at the right time.
Find the right school, don't worry if it's called special or mainstream, just get the right school.

I’d echo what @Ted27 says. My DD is in a special school and honestly I don’t think it’s the right environment for her. For all they’re good with kids who have additional support needs they just don’t get developmental trauma and it’s a weekly fight to have her needs met.

There aren’t really any other options here in that mainstream just wouldn’t suit her either so I’m fighting on with her current school. There’s a complete lack of joined up thinking in education - they do what they do regardless unless it’s a specific support for every child with X irrespective of there being an easier, more suitable, tailored option.

My DS starts mainstream high school this year and tbh I’m bracing myself.

@Jellycatspyjamas
I know that we were fortunate that for us the right school did exist and that for many of adopted families it doesn't. So people are forced down this road of constant battle with school.
Sometimes you can get a bit lucky in that the school is open to working with you, listens to you and can shift their responses.
To me it makes no sense that they could find the resources to supervise a child in isolation, but not to allow the same child to sit in the same space whilst the others are doing MFL. It would benefit everyone.
No imagination most of the time.
This was what was so good about out secondary school. It wasn't always plain sailing, but we were starting from a good base, the Senco was wonderful as were his TAs. They listened and made adjustments. And the key thing - lots of the staff had attachment training and understood trauma.

Are his teachers actually aware of his conditions? It seemed with DS that at every parents evening there would be a teacher that was surprised he was autistic/dyspraxic and they had very little knowledge of either. It was all known to 'school' of course but the information didn't filter down.

It wouldn't surprise me if teachers don't like him and that that is clear to him. It sounds like they basically want to punish his disabilities out of him - and then wonder why it doesn't work. Constant punishment ends up with poor behaviour which then gets constantly punished and it becomes a vicious circle.

Have you spoken face to face to the SENCO about all this? That's probably your best chance, but I make no promises.

Just echoing what others have already said. Your son already has diagnoses of FASD and SPD, and yet their response to his behaviour is behaviour points and isolation. This isn't what he needs and is unlikely to have any positive effect on him at all.

An EHCP needs to be your next step, but it's unlikely to be the silver bullet you're hoping for. I would look at this as the starting point rather than the end point, and, as others have said, start looking for a more nurturing environment. Mainstream schools want to be seen to be inclusive, but ultimately they still expect children to accommodate to the school more than the school are prepared to accommodate to the child.

If things are bad enough, you might be able to get some alternative provision put in place ahead of having an EHCP, but this would need to be funded by the schools SEN budget. You could ask for flexi-schooling (schools don't have to agree to this). Where he goes in for part of the week, and you take responsibility for home educating him the rest of the time. Just a warning that if you opt to home ed him exclusively and deregister him from school, the responsibility will lie solely with you, and there will be no support at all from the local authority.

Definitely talk to the school SENDCo and don't stop reminding them that his behaviour is a reaction to not being able to handle the school day due to his conditions. All behaviour is communication. You/they need to figure out what he is communicating, but it's likely to be that the noise and or demands of the school day are too much for him.

Find out what they are spending their pupil premium funding on, see if some of that could be diverted to him. Even if it just pays for a couple of hours with a learning mentor that would be better than nothing. Get the virtual head involved as well. They will have a better understanding of what your son is going through and, if nothing else, will put some weight behind what you are saying. They may even be able to offer some practical solutions.

If you are on Facebook, I'd recommend joining the 'Not fine in school' page.

Thank you everyone, I'm sorry I didn't reply straight away. I've found it really difficult to deal with this tjat his ehcp isn't a cure all..
I've also enjoyed half term with him. It's so different having him at home. Hes so much more relaxed.
I am looking at things. Home schooling is possibly an option??