Daughter sabotages all friendships

[shapedlikeapear]

Hi

I was wondering if anyone had any advice. Dd15 is fun and engaging so can attract friends but not only doesn’t maintain them, actively blows them up.

she has very low esteem & I know deep down she is creating situations where she will be attacked and rejected.

She has now burned through all possible friends and this evening after a particularly difficult school day she’s had lots of messages from girls telling her they hate her and everyone hates her. She has no one at school now and my hearts broken for her.

I don’t want to tell her to ignore them or that it’ll pass because when you’re 15, schools your world.

I know adopted kids can struggle so I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how to help her xx

That sounds so tough, I really feel for you and your daughter. It’s heartbreaking to see her go through this, especially if it feels like she’s pushing people away before they can reject her. That kind of self-sabotage can be really common in teens with low self-esteem, and especially in adopted kids who may still be figuring out their sense of security and belonging.
It might help to shift the focus from fixing friendships to helping her build confidence in other areas, hobbies, volunteering, or anything where she can feel capable and valued. That kind of self-worth can make social stuff easier over time.
You’re right not to just tell her to ignore it, being there, listening, and taking it seriously means a lot. If you haven’t already, maybe look into school support or a therapist who understands adoption-related struggles.
You’re clearly doing your best, hope things get a little brighter for her soon.