Adopting in a flat in 2025

[rihanna4]

I’d love to hear recent experiences relating to this issue.

I live in a flat in London and my support network is here, and my affordability is good.

However I’m a solo prospective adopter and know that living in a flat rather than a house will be a further weakness in my application and matching prospects (in addition to not being in a couple).

I am trying to decide whether to buy a house, which would mean moving to a cheaper area and borrowing more, or staying put.

Would the child have a bedroom of their own in the flat? Is there parks near by for outdoor space? X

Yes and yes :)

Flat is a spacious 2-bed. Close to several large parks. Very close to amenities including GP surgery and library.

However there’s an added complication: I have 2 cats. Their litter trays would have to come into my bedroom as there’s no other place to put them.

I don’t think your flat or the fact that you are a single adopter are going to cause issues. Just as an fyi my daughter’s biological sister just got adopted by a single adopter. 😀

Thanks for your perspective @Pollylong. Any views on my cats?

I’m in a bit of a dilemma as sleeping with cat litter trays in my room isn’t something I want, but my alternative options are to move to a house (which means taking on more debt and having larger monthly repayments) or rehoming my cats.

I believe an LA/VAA won’t give a firm view on my situation until they visit my home during Part 1 by which point it’ll be a bit late.

Sorry no advice on the cat situation, the social worker would do a pet assessment, and they would want to see that you are open with the idea of rehoming the cat if the absolute worse case scenario was that the cat litter situation won’t work.

I know that it doesn’t feel great, but we have a grumpy dog that wasn’t keen on the noise of my nephew, and we had to discuss
rehoming him with family
members if he couldn’t cope with the children, but luckily he went deaf and itsnt
bothered by them.

Thanks @Pollylong

It used to be that they didn't like flate over commercial premises, but otherwise that in itself shouldn't be a huge problem. Have you seen the film "Nowhere Special" with James Norton? Check it out. It is about a dying man trying to find an adoptive family for his son.

Living in a flat and being a solo adopter is not seen as a weakness.

Adoption is about finding the right family for a child. I dont know if you are male or female, but I'm a solo adopter and my agency specifically looks for single adopters for certain children. E.g a child who would not develope well with a male adopter/dad because of trauma from a previous male carer.

@BestfadeplansI’m a woman. Please can you share the name of your agency?

Thanks

@Arran2024Thanks - I’ll check out Nowhere Special!

It feels like moving the litter trays into your room is the real issue here. Being single and living in a flat will not be blockers. The litter trays can't be in your child's room so you need to be honest with yourself about whether this is workable for you, and if not then look at the other two options you mentioned, moving home or rehoming the cats, to work out which one you'd be more comfortable with.

@rihanna4

being single and living in a flat are not barriers to you adopting.

as a cat owner I am on the fence on this one for a couple of reasons. I take it they are housecats who don’t go outside? One thing you should consider is do your cats have a safe space to eat and escape to.
My adopted son and latterly 2 foster children were fine with my cat, they’ve all loved him but children, particularly small ones, can be very noisy and annoying. Ive had many a filthy look from my cat before he’s escaped through the cat flap for a bit of peace and quiet.
I’ve also recently had to have a litter tray in my bedroom, I’ve now managed to move it out to a little cubby hole just outside my door. Its still not great as to be honest it can get quite unpleasant. You will have to keep the door shut so Id also think about the cat’s access to the tray, personally I think Id find it really irritating to be opening and closing doors all the time.
Why don’t you try it for a few weeks now and see how you get on.

If thoughts of house moving are on your mind though, maybe think about whether your flat is suitable for the longer term. Will it feel spacious when its full of kids clutter - prams, scooters, bikes, washing, toys etc.
Have you thought about where things will go, do you have to manage stairs, do you have a dining area? Have a think about practicalties and how your flat will work for you and a small child

I wouldn't say that flat is necessarily a problem, but I've found having a garden where I can kick the boys out to be invaluable for my sanity. Plus the cats might need plenty of spaces to escape- it's not necessarily so much about the cats hurting the kids, although that is a possibility, but the kids could also hurt the cat. Our cat was definitely the subject of a sustained campaign of attempted sneaky kicks and pinches if we stroked her in the kids presence at the start. We had to put a litter box in our bedroom anyway because we just banned them from going in there so that she could have some space in the daytime away from their screaming, shouting and attempts to love/cuddle/pull her tail. There were a fair few run ins before we all truly learned that cats are a lesson in consent.

On the other hand, I would say that if you moved now to a different area you might be asked to wait a bit to establish yourself in your new area and find your network though, so that's worth considering. Plus all the costs involved might be better spent possibly saving up for extended adoption leave if necessary. Consider the services available, and the school provision. There is comfort to us in knowing our kids would have 5 or 6 primaries and 2 or 3 secondaries to rattle through before we even had to consider going out of borough, all within a reasonable travel times. In a more rural area options may be more limited.

Plenty of kids live in flats, and in London especially it's not uncommon. It's about how you work things out and the lifestyle you are willing to lead. If you had a kid for whom being outside is very regulating, constantly having to go outside and sit in a park is very time intensive, and not very private if they have meltdowns. Or you go on walks, trips out, stuff like that. You need to be prepared to do lots of outdoorsy stuff potentially, and if you are a home bod, or find sitting in parks endlessly for hours tedious, a garden or outdoor space can be really helpful. However, if you travel a lot, plan on going on holidays or visiting family a lot once L.O has been settled, thats a lifestyle where a flat might work out better. Potentially more security, better location, closer to resources, airports, train stations etc.

Our cat litter lives in the bathroom, is that a possibility? Or something creative with a built in furniture piece or a modified under sink cupboard in the bathroom? I feel like Pinterest might have some ideas.

Can you not put them in the bathroom?

@BestfadeplansNo, not enough space

We live in a 2 bed flat and have just adopted. They even asked us to consider having siblings! We also have been through the process with a single woman who has also successfully adopted. 😊

@TemTopCongratulations :) is that in London?

Thank you! No in Hampshire, but being in London, you're even more likely to have adopters living in flats I should think!

We adopted many years ago with a VA. The VA did not see our flat as a problem, but some children's social workers did. Our flat was on the third floor with a small park right in front.

Concerns mentioned were: what if one child wanted to go home and the other wanted to stay in the park, how would I get two small children up the stairs, particularly if one was refusing. However, our children's sw thought a small flat would help the children feel save and contained, and that's what happened. It was never an issue.

@onlytherainThanks for commenting. Were you turned down by some children’s SWs because you lived in a flat?

@rihanna4 Yes, some social workers wouldn’t even consider us. But matching is a strange phase—it’s not always about practicalities. Sometimes something in your profile just doesn’t sit right with sw, or they already have favourites and need a reason to say no. If it hadn’t been the flat, they might have raised something else.

If I were you, I wouldn’t get too hung up on the flat. We got matched in the end, and everything turned out fine—even with a flat right in the middle of London. If it comes up, I would point to the advantages of a flat: your child is never far.

Thanks for all your comments.