During the adoption process, how much focus is put on ‘why?’

[auska]

I think I’ve decided that in the future, I will adopt children. I’ve researched adoption extensively over the years and I understand it’s not as simple as just taking a child home. I am aware of attachment and adjustment issues, the sheer amount of time it will take to settle a child, the amount of leave required and dedication.

However, I am curious about how much focus is put on why you want to adopt.

My reasons are;

1. No desire to be pregnant from a very young age. It’s not an option for me. It’s not tokophobia, more that it’s an optional and not something I would ever want to do.
2. I’m gay, but not keen on the idea of surrogacy. My partner is also in the same mindframe as me.
3. I can give a child a safe, stable and loving home. Both me and my partner are well adjusted, emotionally intelligent people and I do genuinely believe we would be good parents.

However, I also worry this comes across as “we couldn’t do this is in the heteronormative way, so this was the next best option.”

Is it okay to just say I want to be a parent? Adoption isn’t a ‘second best’ scenario to me. Does that make sense? I am just wondering what the ‘right’ reasons are for adopting.

I know some people probably walk into this thinking it’s a bed of roses, but I know that’s not reality. I know adoption comes with it’s unique challenges. I’m just wondering how much focus is put on why you want to adopt if you have the ability to conceive naturally, but choose not to.

My sister, for example, can’t have children and thinks I’m crazy for wanting to adopt instead. She doesn’t understand why. But for me, it’s about raising a child, who will be mine no matter whether they are mine through biology or adoption. Does that make sense?

Still very early days and this wouldn’t be for a fair amount of time. But I’m just curious!

For me and my husband they asked why adoption. I said I wasn’t keen on being pregnant, and that I had known adopted/fostered children from a
young age, and had known that if I wanted
to start a family adoption was the way I wanted to do it. It wasn’t questioned
more than that except what contraception were we on to prevent a birth child during the process. It was seen as a positive that this was our first choice parenting route.

I think you are over thinking
You have always thought about adoption.
You're gay so can't have a child with your partner anyway.

Therefore adoption is the most obvious way to be a parent.

The child won't have a biological link to either of you which will make you 'equal'.

If like me, you are straight, married and have no linen fertility problems, you might really be grilled over this. However, as a gay couple, I don’t think this will be the case of course there are questions about why you want to adopt as part of determining your suitability, but your answers seem perfectly logical.

It is unlikely to be a huge issue. They are only really concerned to check that you are committed to adoption and don't have unreasonable fantasies about it. They also aren't keen to hear that prospective adopters also hanker after having bio kids too. So if you are clear on your choice, it will be fine.

I don't think the are any 'right' reasons to adopt, there may be some wrong reasons but that's a different issue.
SWs will want to talk about your motivations but not to try and catch you out in any way, more so you understand what you are doing.
As I single person my options for becoming a parent were the same as yours. Being single or gay doesnt mean you cant have a biological child, nor does being single or gay automatically take away the drive to have a biological child. But that drive will be different for each individual.

I can't say that I thought about adoption from an early age. I always thought I'd be a mum, although I was never that fussed about the baby stage. The older I got, I was even less fussed about the idea of pregnancy, nappies and teething. IVF type options didn't appeal to me so adoption it was. My SW just wanted to be reassured that I was well and truly over hankering after a birth child.
You've set out some perfectly good reasons. If both you and your partner are on the same page it will be fine

I was asked once and it didn't come up again. Agree you are overthinking it.

Agree with the previous posts. It will be clear you both have given it a lot of thought and have made the decision to have your family through adoption. We were the same - decided that the way we wanted to grow our family was through adoption. From a young age I had chosen this. There were no infertility issues with me and my husband and we just made it very clear we had given it a lot of thought. Our SW accepted this and just wanted to check we weren’t hankering for a biological child.

Lesbian adopter here they briefly explored if we had or would explore other options and our motivations for adopting but so brief I had to ask my wife if they actually did! It wasn't a big or a memorable part of it all!! Feel free to dm me if anything specific you want to ask