Fostering and House Rules.... Can anyone help...

[DeeLondon]

Hi everyone, I am soon to go to panel, and I have to set my general house rules.

Im stuck.... We have agreed we will write in in a positive way for example

We respect each other and ourselves.

as opose to, do not disrespect each other etc.

But what else?? whats a reasonable time for a teenager to come in (obviously different children will vary but please give opinions on what you would do...

Thanks in Advance...

smoking, where?

bedtimes.

We didn't set times for children to come in at night but with individual children we do - 8 during week unless planned activity like Scouts(must be contactable with mobile, must know where they are) and variable at weekends

Think about chores and contributing to household and shopping and looking after pets

will keep thinking about what else we covered

hands are for holding, no physical violence accepted.

lets see, in our house it's
1)everybody is responsible for their own room/space. ie washing in laundry basket, general tidying (obv varies according to age and ability)
2)everyone mucks in re. pets

for the teens (i have 13yr and 16yr)

1. ALWAYS let us know where you are going or at least an idea of where to get you in case of emergency. 2)keep phone switched on and let us know within a reasonable timeframe if you're going to be late/ not be in for dinner 3)curfew during the week 10pm(16) and 9pm(13). goes up to 11pm and 10pm at the weekend although we tend to be pretty flexible with DSD1 cos she works in chippy at the weekend. 4)if you want to stay at friends house the parents have to phone to confirm permission and visa versa. 5)more than 5mins warning if you're bringing friends for tea!!!!

we tend to be pretty relaxed and the kids tend to stick to the rules. when they don't we usually take away their phones for 24-36hrs depending on how much they take the mikey. this tends to kill DSD1 cos she's a phoneaholic . also curfew gets shorter and horror of horrors dad picks you up and drops you off where ever you're going. did i mention he has a special name he calls them when he has to do this??

oh and smoking is absolutely banned in the house. any smoking must be done outside and cleared up. obviouly DSD1 assures us she doesn't smoke but we know she does

I do not smoke or want smoking in my house or garden. So I think ill just put we are a non smoking household and do not allow smoking...
Chores is a good one, ive put we keep our personal belongings And personal space tidy.
Hands are for holding is a good one.. and no physical violence is an essential one also.. thank you guys

What would you say is good curfew times for what ages?

I heard someone got in trouble once for taking a foster childs mobile away??

my friend fosters teens and she has told social workers that her rule of confiscating phones for bad behaviour was non-negotiable so the kids she fosters know that it will happen and don't make too much of a fuss. also it will depend on the situation. if she has a parent who has told her/child that they will phone at certain time they get the phone back for the call. if you're prepared to be flexible it makes it easier. but she always makes a point of having it put in the notes.

Think about the smaller things too so that they don't become big issues IYSWIM

eg. access to food - make it clear what they can help themselves to and what they need to ask about first -it avoids situations where the child is shy about asking for snacks so going without or, OTOH, eat you out of house and home leaving nothing for dinner!).

Similarly, use of the phone.

I know it sounds a bit harsh/institutional in some ways but IME these are areas where problems can occur with some young people in care. You can word it so that its positive and lets them know what they can do.

Didn't think of the snacks and phone one either...

I think I would prefer to monitor House phone use, so over 10's ill probably give a mobile and give them x amount each week to put on it.

Thanks hun

"do not allow smoking" - we got a really hard time about this as we were told that if we had a child that took up smoking then we couldn't argue or prevent apart from to ask them to "politely smoke in the garden" - and even when I pointed out it was illegal she just shrugged.

Think our social worker was really annoying about this

if you're thinking of giving them a phone and topping it up make sure they know that once it's done that's it till the following week. DSD2 always gets caught out but is finally getting the message. or else you might find yourself topping up every few days!!

We have respect for one another?

I personally wouldn't write down a curfew or bedtime as a set rule; I prefer to keep them negotiable according to the needs of the individual child - there's so much variation in how much independence 2 children the same age are ready to handle.

thanks guys..
what else can i put in my portfolio (other than pics)

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