BM appealing adoption

[twentyninestory]

BM is requesting leave to oppose the adoption order and I’m so anxious for LO. It would be very detrimental for her to return to birth mum, so I’m struggling to hold empathy and understanding of this part of the process. It feels like LO’s needs are being ignored by allowing this leave to be granted… and also isn’t fair on birth mum if the chances of reunification are as low as social workers are saying. (It feels hard to trust that though due to bad experiences throughout this process)

It feels so worrying - any words of wisdom for how to navigate all these feelings?

@twentyninestory

But she hasn't been given leave to appeal yet?
It's unlikely that she will. Whatever the story, there is a woman here losing her child. I know its difficult. Believe me I've gone through every emotion possible about my son's birth parents.
Your child's needs aren't being ignored, the court will do its job and protect them.
For her it's a last chance to show she cares, it may be important to your child in the future to know that her birth mum did what she could.

It’s about protecting your child’s rights tbh. All children have the right to be raised in their birth family, something has usually gone badly wrong when that can’t happen. The court needs to be very sure there’s no way birth mum can care safely for her child and so will consider her request for leave to appeal.

I know it feels like an unnecessary hurdle, and creates uncertainty and stress for you but it’s much better for everyone involved if the legal process is exhausted. It can help birth mum to recover from her loss if she can say she tried everything and can help your child understand that she really couldn’t care for him but really did want him.

It’s a hard process to go through though, and birth parents are rarely successful, which doesn’t make things easier for you. Really look after yourself in this time, it’s difficult.

Virtual hand hold - I am in the same position right now.
I have confidence that our adoption order will go through, but of course that doesn’t stop the very thought of my LO going to BM breaking my heart.
I understand that it’s incredibly rare for such appeals to succeed, and yes it’s helpful to have the knowledge that BM fought at every opportunity, for the child to know how wanted they were.

Thanks all, and thinking of you @DoreenGreytoo whilst you navigate all these feelings too. It’s very hard and very sad for all involved - this process isn’t easy for anyone. I guess it can’t be… and like you say, have to find some small positives where we can.