Divorce

[Tinkaton]

Hi, has anyone got an experience or tips when you are divorcing, how to explain it to your adopted child to make them feel as secure as possible. It's as amicable as possible, but sad. IYSWIM.

Our little boy is 9.

I separated from my ex and my DS was 9 and my DD was 11. We told them together once we knew exactly what would be happening re living arrangements etc. My ex and I were very purposeful about putting the kids at the centre of our decision making, so we’re very clear about what divorce would mean for them, absolutely no fighting in front of them and no arguing about contact etc.

For my kids it means they split their time 50/50 and know which days they’re spending where, if they want to see the other parent at any time we’ll try very hard to make that happen.

When telling them we gave lots of space, my DS had a lot of questions - mainly practical things - and my DD was very tearful. We tag teamed and made it clear we were still a family, just not living together. We were super clear it wasn’t anything to do with them, the reasons were our own and we both answer any questions about that still. We took them to see where dad would be living very quickly after telling them and let them chose if they wanted to be home when he left. As it turned out they stayed with their dad the night after he moved out, which was tough on me but was what they needed.

Use friends and family for support, it’s ok to be sad in front of the kids but don’t give them the job of comforting you. I hope you come through it ok, 3 years later for use and the kids are doing fine, have a good relationship with us both and both me and my ex are much happier.

Thank you for this, I really appreciate it. It is such a tricky thing for kids to handle.

I hope we will be happier in the long run.