Helping AD5 deal with a bereavement

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My father-in-law passed away 2 weeks ago after a short illness and my daughter (age 5.5) is really struggling. She has just started biting and picking her lips and they are bleeding quite badly. She must have been biting in her sleep last night as this morning there was so much dried blood her lips had stuck together and I had to carefully bathe them to clean away the blood before she could open her mouth.

This isn't something she has done before, she will sometimes bite her hand if she's really angry but not hard enough to cause any damage. Her lips are so sore that's she's also struggling to eat and drink.

We don't know how to help her. We already have a CAMHS referral ongoing for issues around controlling behaviour and outbursts and I'm pretty sure this is linked to her feeling she has no control over what is happening. We have had an initial assessment and told that she will get support but there is a long wait.

Does anyone have any suggestions please of how we can help her in the short term as it's breaking my heart to see her so anxious.

Aw I'm so sorry.

There are various books which help children deal with bereavement. Margot Sunderland wrote a series of books for adopted and fostered children, with an accompanying handbook for carers. The handbbok on bereavement is this https://www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/products/helping-children-with-loss-book-margot-sunderland-9780863884672?sku=GOR002258713&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiA74G9BhAEEiwA8kNfpdv2vl5WQYJ34Ywoon41vUmk6tABt87gzxyLJ14BOSPm-dULuYRf_hoC1ZoQAvD_BwE

The children's book is this https://www.routledge.com/The-Day-the-Sea-Went-Out-and-Never-Came-Back-A-Story-for-Children-Who-Have-Lost-Someone-They-Love/Sunderland-Armstrong/p/book/9781032101934?gad_source=1&utm_source=cjaffiliates&utm_medium=affiliates&cjevent=2652717be21f11ef819b1a6f0a18b8f9

I second Margot Sunderland's books.

I would also recommend "Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine" https://amzn.eu/d/bFM7oq2. It helped my then 6 year old daughter so much. It was a difference like night and day.

Im so sorry for your loss. In the short term I can suggest scratch sleeves for bed times to help stop the picking at least?

Thanks for book recommendations, I'll check them out.

@tonyhawks23 scratch sleeves might work but I think she bites more than picks.

Winston wish are a good resource for helping children with death and loss.

Sorry it’s a bit late only just seem but some Great resources already above. We also liked the goodbye book by Todd parr Altho not totally about death but more goodbyes as in someone gone, for our lo it was helpful but could be triggering for some adopted children. Invisible string also good and great wider application and No Matter What by Debi Gliori. We found these good as someone having died wasn't the whole focus so it didn’t feel too intense.

Child bereavement uk have some great resources and good videos that explain about burial & cremation in a good child focused way too.

sorry for your loss, oh and the other thing I did was a little book of photos of the 2 of them together from first time they met he still treasures it now a couple of years on .