Adopting when BC is only home 50%

[sktny]

DH and I have our first information evening tomorrow.

Has anyone got experience of adopting when a BC in the family lives with another parent 50% of the time?

They have a biological sibling at their parent's house. But we are worried how they will cope with another child living full time with their other parent and they're the only child moving between houses.

This seems like quite an unusual setup? I can't find much online about people's experiences.

Will this count against us due to lack of stability? (BC coming and going) and also BC being jealous of a new child being home with us 100% of the time. They could be 10 or so by the time another child gets home, so a big age gap.

I think this could be tricky to navigate, for the reasons you mention. It would be tricky with a birth child, even more tricky with adoption.

Would waiting a few years so DC are in charge of their own moves between houses be better? And has more of their own life?

Being mindful of these issues is the first step, though.

It's good you are thinking about it. But the road to adoption is a long one. Your assigned social worker will talk this through with you. They'll also talk to the children involved and their parent.
It's never about being perfect - there may be children you are not suitable for - but self-awareness and the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes like you are doing will go a long way.

My step son was 15 when we started the process so a bit older but it didn't cause any problems with him only being with us 50% of the time, the SW didn't even bring it up. I think it is probably more common than you think.

We discussed adoption with him before applying to make sure he was comfortable with it and he was interviewed by the SW. He did some reading off his own back and also attended the family and friends training, he also has a friend who was adopted so I think it helped that he was able to speak with his friend and get first-hand experience.

We were asked at panel how we would handle the big age gap and ensure that my step son felt included but we were warned this would be a question so fully prepared.

My AD absolutely dotes on her big brother despite a 15 year age gap, he's away at uni now and she loves having video calls with him and gets so excited when he comes back to stay.

There are two issues in being approved for adoption - being approved to adopt and then getting a local authority to place a child with you.

Many approved adopters have issues which will give a child's social worker ause for thought. These can make it harder to find a child, but it's not unsurmountable. You might just have to look more widely, wait longer.

As well as the impact on your child, you need to consider whether an adopted child would cope with their sibling only being there 50% of the time and how they might come to feel about it.