Accessing therapy for adoptive parent

[Wizomania]

I am struggling a bit at the moment with my mental health at the moment and am considering accessing therapy. The issues aren't particularly around the fact that my child is adopted, though parenting in general is certainly a factor.

I wondered if some of you, who I know are very experienced (I have posted on here before under an old username and have read loads) would recommend still seeing a therapist who has an understanding of the issues around adoption. And if so, how do you go about finding one?

I have had several bouts of therapy / counselling.

Some of it was via the asf - England only so sorry if it doesn't apply. My child was given x sessions and I was given some too. I don't know how easy it is to get this, and obviously it was only a few sessions, but it was free. And I got it for 2 children with different therapists. The focus there was supposed to be on my interactions with the children but in fact it went much wider - my relationship with my mother came up for example.

I also had counselling via the local carer's association. That was free. It was with a trainee, who was highly supervised. She didn't understand adoption but she understood caring for difficult people and I got a lot out of it.

I also saw a "proper" therapist for a while. She worked part time at camhs and saw people privately. I found her from a list of therapists who had done courses at the post adoption centre - they used to make this list available, though I don't know if they still do. But I hated seeing her. She clearly disapproved of me not working and my husband not doing his fair share with school etc - he was working full time! I felt so judged and stopped going.

Tbh one of the best experiences I had was with betterhelp.com I know it gets a bad press but I liked the anonymity and being able to schedule an hour without travel on top. My daughter has used it too (she is 25 and likes it for the same reasons as me - plus she had a bad experience with the asf therapists!). The thing about it is that the first person they match you with will be hopeless, a life coach or sth. But then you ask for someone else and they get you to complete a much more detailed form and that's when you get a real therapist who understands your issues. You psy a flat fee per month.

Hope this helps.

Thanks @Arran2024 that is really helpful - obviously a few places I can think of looking there. Your last paragraph about better betterhelp made me laugh!

If I remember rightly it used to be the case in England therapists couldn’t work with anything around adoption unless they had specific training in adoption. While your immediate issues aren’t about adoption imagine it will come up and your therapist might feel they can’t work with you, I know there was some noises made about that changing but I don’t know if it has yet.

While I wouldn’t look for a specialist in adoption, them having some understanding of the complexities of adoption would be useful if only so you don’t need to keep explaining the same things repeatedly.

https://www.adoptionuk.org/blog/what-do-the-ofsted-registration-changes-for-therapists-mean it's changed

Thanks @Jellycatspyjamas and @Arran2024 I think I had heard about that rule so glad to have clarification. And yes, I'd probably check that they had some understanding before engaging in anything long term. It's bad enough smiling and nodding when colleagues say, "well she was so young and you love her so much - she'll be fine." Don't really want to have that response from a therapist!