Struggling with the disrespect

[MillyHall]

How do you cope? Our kids have been with us for almost 3 years now and things have always been challenging between my son and I. He’s generally adoring of Dad and, while things have gotten better between us, things can still be pretty rotten. That’s how things are feeling at the moment. He’s 8 years old. He can be so rude, cheeky and disrespectful - it’s exhausting and I feel like he’s making my life miserable. I’ve been in floods of tears this morning after a particularly rough weekend.

You have to try not to take it personally. It isn't about your parenting and there is often little you can realistically do about it. It is their background, early trauma, genes etc. Do you get any support?

I remember someone saying they aren’t doing it to you, they’re doing it in front of you. It helped me take a step back and think about what else was fuelling the fire. I think too ascribing motive (they’re purposely being disrespectful) gets in the way because disrespect is hurtful.

Many adopted children struggle with their mother figure, for many varied reasons. It’s not unusual - which doesn’t make it easier but does make it less personal to you. How does your partner react when your child is disrespectful? Sometimes very clear modelling can really help.