School

[AMP16]

My son just started reception this year. He has some mild speech and motor delays, a visual impairment and trauma background. School are struggling with other more demanding kids but recognise my son has significant challenges. Saying that he is doing ok academically with support. There are only 7 kids in his reception class and 1 teacher and 1 teaching assistant. School are starting to get a bit negative about him refusing to do things, but I have pointed out to them they need to try and work out why before telling him off. The point is they don’t recognise that he doesn’t feel safe in school. We even have a psychologist report from ASF funding pointing this out to them.
He is struggling at home on school day evenings and getting so dysregulated. We’re in the midst of BUSS therapy, which I’m hopeful will help.

They now are not happy with me because I’m refusing to allow him to attend a trip to the theatre next week which contains a triggering story line and a travel home at 5pm in the dark, plus loud noises (friends have been and told me), all big triggers for him.

I feel so disappointed and sad for him that they haven’t thought at all about how it would be difficult for him, never mind risk assessed it for his vision problems. I feel like complaining to the send governor, except that it’s a very small community and makes things a bit tricky!

Why is it so difficult for people to see the disabilities that trauma/adoption brings?
Any suggestions? Changing schools not really an option

Has your son had support from the Advisory teacher for the visually impaired? They should be advising his teachers and also looking at what support he needs for his vision in school. I write both as a parent of an adopted son who is visually impaired and had speech and language difficulties and dyspraxia ( but now is happily married,has a degree and works full time for a charity) and as someone who works in a mainstream school that has 3 pupils who have visual impairments

Thanks, yes they are coming to see him next week fortunately! It’s a weird impairment as it’s due to brain problems, so it’s hard for his school staff to understand it. Hopefully they can advise school. I have tried but maybe they will listen to them! To be fair she sounds very helpful.

@AMP16

Can I ask why changing schools isn't an option?

Honestly I've watched so many families battle against schools that are just not equipped to support their children or who are unwilling to do so. It's just not worth it.

Thanks. It’s a geography thing as we live in a very rural area. I suppose that I’m also scared yet another big change at the moment would be another big loss for my son. I do hear what you are saying though and I agree that if it’s a losing battle it might be best to make a change now.

It's tricky- you don't want to move out of there frying pan into the fire. (I did this, while the new school appeared more on the ball, they ended up off rolling child!)

My advice is be "that parent" where you are until completely exhausted before moving. As most schools are under-resourced and struggling, and focused on the wrong things, and need a good tackling, not because the teachers/staff are bad people, but because society has things all wrong re attendance, exam results etc.

@AMP16 sounds exhausting for your son and you. I appreciate that the class may be complex but 2 staff and 8 children should mean that the staff know him well enough- it must be very disappointing.

I have no understanding of rural life so feel free to disregard this but once I learnt to stop caring what people thought things became alot easier for me. I have very limited accountability towards my children's TA for example, basically just be polite and supportive and that's enough. I will be forever accountable for my children and as a single adopter the book stops with me. I take different approaches for example with professionals who want to do well but lack knowledge vs professionals who just want an easy life but ultimately I need to hold them responsible for meeting my children's needs.

I find the following approaches useful-
A- constantly taking them back to evidence/agreed ways of working. 'Thanks for letting me know about this afternoon, thinking about the approaches agreed in DDs ehcp, how was that followed today?' 'What you've described isn't what was advised in the OT sensory report, what will you do next time to ensure its followed?'etc.
B- use 'story telling'. Many people see our wonderful children and are unable to comprehend many of their experiences and how it has impacted them. So while being mindful of not oversharing their stories I try to take professionals through some of my children's experiences. E.g. rather than just saying DD has had 9 different parent/carers in the first 3 years of life and this is why she always seeks reassurance that her teacher will come back on Mondays. Actually take them through the loss of each one, the distress it caused, how each loss compounded the previous ones etc. Does your son have CVI? My youngest does too, this website has a great examples of story telling to help understand, they're about halfway down this page https://cviscotland.org/documents.php?did=1&sid=25

Bethan, the op doesn’t say that there are 8 children in the class, only that there are 8 reception children in the class. The class could be full to 30 with yr1 and yr2 children.
As a teacher and an adoptive mum I have first hand experience of trying to juggle children’s need within a class, it’s absolutely impossible. With the best will in the world it’s damage limitation in schools at the moment and I really can’t see that changing. You are going to have to work tirelessly at home to support your child so that they can manage school. Good luck.

@Seashor I'm sorry but I don't think 'good luck' is an acceptable approach. Many of us, and I'm sure that includes AMP16 are 'working tirelessly', but that needs to be in conjuction with a school which is appropriately caring for our children.

OPs child, like all our children has experienced significant trauma and loss, plus he doesn't feel safe in school and his visual impairment is not being appropriately recognised by school. It would be absolutely right that his parent advocates for him rather than accept that being the status quo and then 'work tirelessly' to repair the harm everyday.

Our children require over and above from us as their parents but also from many other services; school, health, post adoption support etc. That isn't something we should apologise for, it's a result of their early life experiences and society has a responsibility to care for our most vulnerable.

I read @AMP16 description of her child's class as being a small class especially as she later describes it as a rural school but whether there are 7 or 30 children her child should be adequate lly supported.

@Seashor wouldn't it be wonderful if by working at home, we could enable our children to "manage school". I suspect you haven't hit major school difficulties with your AC as yet. Good luck to you when that happens, and you find that no amount of "work" from you will help them "manage school". Schools need to meet pupil's needs, and provide them with an education, not the other way round where pupils need to mask and hide their struggles for parents to collect a shaken coke bottle at the end of the day.

I read OP as that this is a very small school and class.