Adoption worries

[zoeP1]

We are looking into adoption, I'm currently 40 with no children of my own (my OH has a low sperm count).

My worry is, when our child is 18 and will naturally want to find their birth family, will we feel rejected / not wanted? I know this sounds very selfish but it is a big worry of ours and we wouldn't want our child to feel as though they couldn't connect with their birth family or had to make a choice.

Has anyone adopted and how did you find the whole process?

@zoeP1

Firstly its absolutely normal and natural to worry about anything and everything about adoption.
Secondly, one of the first things you have to accept is that your child has a birth family who they are entitled to know about and meet if they so wish.
Thirdly, birth parents are not always people to fear. Of course there are people that you see in the news, but more often than not they are just people who find life very hard, with a whole host of problems which mean they find it hard to prioritise their children or simply just cannot look after them adequately.
Lastly - rarely in adoption do things happen the way you expect. Yes it's natural for your children to be curious about their birth family, and you have to be honest with them. However its not a given that all adopted young people will rush out of the door at 18 to find their birth family. Some will be interested, some will be indifferent, some will be mildy curious, some won't be bothered.
Interest in their family will start much earlier - all teenagers grapple with their identity, it's so much harder for adopted young people who have another family out there. So some will try and make contact before they are 18, with social media it's not hard.
It's far better for you as an adoptive parent to be positive about contact- remember the forbidden is very attractive isn't it? Also remember that birth family includes siblings who can be extremely important to your child.
My son is 20, we have lots of friends with adopted young people of the same age. At the moment my son has questions but doesn't want to pursue contact, although we know where both of them are, we have friends where birth parents are deceased, others who are making tentative steps towards contact, one or two with regular contact. Some have birth family who still pose a risk so that has to be handled carefully. Of course there will be some who gravitate back to their birth family but in my experience most don't.
You can't tell at this point how you will feel. Personally I'm OK with whatever my son wants to do. We wouldn't have our children without the birth family and we should respect that. Mostly I just don't want him to get hurt so I"ll stick around in the background and support whatever he wants to do.

I think you will be surprised by how much contact you are expected to have with birth family these days. Look at one of the other threads below this one about contact.

My adopted son has been with us for 10 years and has asked in the past to have contact. Now that it is possible, after my asking repeatedly, he is not interested! I hope he will be in the future for his own benefit.

Adopted children may want to find their birth parents, but I do not think it is something that automatically happens at 18 Some may want to before that some, some later, and some never.

One your child is placed with you, you will be interested in their welfare and invested in them so hopefully, you will be at peace about hem finding their birth family. It is normal for kids to be interested in their back story but it seems like many adopted kids do completely understand their mum/dad are the people who raised them.

But these are normal fears and as an adoptive mum, I am sure it has worried me in the past.