Adoption today Oct 2024- Few questions

[Abike79]

I paused this in 2020 owing to meeting someone and the benefit is a potential two parent household. I now wish to continue still on my own.

I completed stage 1 and stopped during stage 2 of the Adoption process. I also completed the critical courses the HA at the time mandated.

1. Has anything changed in the stage 1 / 2 / 3 and submitting your medicals process since 2020 to date?
2. I have always been nervous about the keeping the birth family connections etc. It is unnerving for me. Any developments in this area to re-assure prospective adopters? How has it made you feel? Any tips?

I'm aware I will have to re-start all over again as you could at the time only take a 6months break between stage 1 and stage 2.

Thanks in advance.

We have always had direct contact with siblings in care. It massively helped my childrens' sense of identity and continuity. They don't feel ripped from their roots, if you like. We are one big family and that is nice.

On the other hand the siblings' life has not always been plain sailing and we were with them in the midst of the storm. That added extra stress which was at times difficult to deal with.

In my experience things are easiest when everyone is open and honest. Our children have another family. That is a fact. That family was there before us and it will always be important. As adopters we are only part of their upbringing (nurture). The birth family was part of their nurture, even if only until birth, and are 100% of their genes. I think it is very important to accept that and be at peace with it. We are families build on love and choice on the parents part, and love and loss on the children's part.

My feeling is that adoption practice is moving further towards ongoing birth family contact. The needs of the child are becoming the absolute focal point, not the needs of adopters. Organisations like Adoption UK are doing more for adopted people, whereas it used to be about adopters. I have completed at least two surveys about how children can keep birth family relationships (I did say I think they are being naive).

Anyway, it partly is due to the realities of yp finding birth family on social media and running off to them.

So this is a huge issue to deal with whether you have contact or not.

Tbh I think you have to be really clear about your motivations for not having contact. These children are always from a different background and nothing we do can change this. Our children love us because of our daily interactions, but they have this other family out there too and we need to somehow honour this, because saying "no" doesn't work any more.

You may find this useful https://www.henriquesgriffiths.com/site/blog/hq-blog/1-in-4-adopted-children-make-contact-with-birth-family-by-18

https://www.nuffieldfjo.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/nfjo_report_adoption_connections_20210913v2.pdf

Thanks for these links.