Advice plz ?

[YourWildRubyWriter]

Hi I had my child adopted due to domestic abuse and now expecting 9 years later I was told I will be referred to a safeguarding midwife who will then contact social services to do a assessment on myself and current partner my neighbour has called the police twice in the past for arguing wondering if unborn baby will be taken of me because of precious child being adopted and will it be a problem with myself and current partners police reports

Baby won't be removed because of the previous removal but the arguing could be a problem. Presumably it must be really bad if the neighbour called social services.

The baby won’t be removed but social services will have to do an assessment and they will look at the reasons why your first child was removed and what has changed since then to the present day. You may need to do a parenting assessment and yes the police reports will raise concerns- that doesn’t mean the child will be taken in the slightest though. Work with them, be honest, seek your own support to deal with the issues you need to deal with.

also if I may suggest post adoption counselling as well- PAC-U.K. offer some free sessions- I’m a birth parent and I found the helpful

Hi thanks for advice both and no my neighbour didn’t call social services they called the police in the past but there was no child involved then but now pregnant I’m a bit worried they might hold that against me

If you had a previous child removed due to domestic abuse, this is I presume, because you chose to stay with the abusive partner rather than making a clean break.

If I were a SW, I think I would be very concerned that you are now with a partner with whom you argue enough for the police already to have been called twice, before there is even a baby in the mix. It doesn't sound great. What will happen when you and your partner are both over tired and stressed with an 8 week old baby?

Have you done the freedom programme? The Freedom Programme. Learn about domestic violence and abuse

I don't think it necessarily tracks that one child will be removed just because another one was, especially 9 years later. That's a really long time, and a lot can have changed. However, if not much has changed in terms of patterns repeating themselves, I would be concerned if I were a social worker. Domestic abuse increases hugely during and immediately after pregnancy, and if you have not got the right support network around you to help, this can be quite hard to overcome when you are feeling vulnerable.

Arguments are stressful, and they must have been significant enough for the police to have been called (although nosy neighbors are a real thing). You might want to go to any meetings prepared to answer questions about it- what were the triggers, why was it so loud, what was the outcome, what process did you use to resolve it, what did you do differently next time to resolve it, what plan do you have in place if it does escalate, and what your partner is doing differently to your ex. They may not ask those questions, but if you go with them prepared in your mind, it will be easier.

I would suggest that you reach out proactively to your safeguarding team, use any help they offer (even if you don't think it is needed) but also be proactive in doing things like reaching out to an organisation you trust. For example, you local children's centre may be able to assign you a case worker who can help advocate for you. I know ours have workers who can access all sorts of services and support, particularly in the early days.

You wouldn't be the first person to be in your situation, and many BPs have been able to go on to parent their children successfully after an adoption (and, for what it is worth, i know myself and most other adoptive parents would be right behind you, fingers crossed and cheering you on to be able to make whatever changes or alterations you need to be able to do it).

I'm sure your head must be all of a muddle right now, so take your time and try not to get too stressed about it. Right now, you and baby need to be able to chill and feel like you are supported, which is what everyone wants. All services involved will know that ultimately, they want the baby to stay with you if at all possible, and will try to help you out a plan together to make that happen.

Please do keep us updated about your progress ♥️

I'm a foster carer and I've known of lots of mothers who were able to keep subsequent babies after having previous ones removed from their care. For lots of people, their situations can have totally changed in between pregnancies and they may now be perfectly able to provide a stable, loving home for a baby.

But if your first child was removed due to concerns of domestic abuse and you are with another partner who has had the police called about their behaviour towards you, social services will be concerned that no lessons have been learned and that you are still prioritising an aggressive partner who will pose a risk to your baby.

So you and your partner may well be investigated and it will be in your best interests to cooperate fully and reasonably in order to put social workers' minds at rest.

What was the result of the police coming out due to the arguments? Was your partner charged? Did police come to the door during an argument and were you emotional and upset and him shouting and making the situation worse or were you both calm?

Be honest with yourself. Is your partner aggressive and a risk to you? If so, your baby would not be safe with him and it will be much more in your favour if you leave him now and commit to raising the baby by yourself.

@YourWildRubyWriter

i am Also a birth mum who 10 years after removal had a second child and he has and will remain in my care. I was also in an abusive relationship with my first son. They just need to ensure that the baby is safe. If you want to PM me feel free.