Unsure about reference

[Kitkat12345]

My wife and I (both female) are going through adoption, we have just been accepted onto stage 1. I am a teacher so pretty much all of my past jobs i need a reference from as they are all with children. My last school, the headteacher was horrible to work with. She saw off a lot of staff, caused a lot of people emotional stress (inc me) and was a bully. I am a bit worried about my reference from her (all my others will be good) Does anyone know how much detail they have to give in professional references for adoption or is it just asking if there were any safeguarding problems? (although I would’ve been struck off anyway if there had been). Just a little anxious- probably have a bit of PTSD from working for her!

Employer ones are usually far more simple, although usually extended to more safeguarding questions when working with children or vulnerable people. As long as she doesn't put there were safeguarding incidents the reference doesn't hold alot of value to the SWs in my experience. I wouldn't worry.

I was in a similar situation. You will choose your main referees, who they talk to in depth, but they will also approach any employers where you have worked with children. I don't know exactly the questions they ask, but the main thing is to make sure that you don't pose a risk to children. I talked through my experiences of working in that particular school with my social worker very early on so that if anything negative came up she had heard my side first. And just for added peace of mind, I also had one of the former SLT from the same school, who I knew I could trust to give a good account of my work with children, as one of my named referees.

Wouldn't the reference be coming from the LA or if you're at an academy chain, from their HR?

No they asked for the headteacher of each school. It’s a bit annoying as I would’ve been struck off anyway if I had done something safeguarding wise.

I think I put the deputy head for one school where I had experienced a bullying head. Also at another school the head had sadly died and all senior management had changed but they still managed to provide a reference to show I had worked there. As someone has mentioned further up the thread I think the work ones were mainly to check there were no safeguarding issues on record.

If you really think your experience left you with PTSD you need to be bringing this to your social worker - if you're just being dramatic maybe choose your words more carefully.

Employers references matter, they show a stability of working life, can give "soft" information about how someone works with kids, and can highlight concerns that may not reach a threshold in terms of safeguarding but are relevant in the context of adoption. Social workers are very used to dealing with difficult employers and reading between the lines but do speak to your social worker do they have some context.

Adoption is about assessing people to be parents to very traumatised children, we need to be thorough - not least because of the challenges that come through adoption which will trigger any unresolved trauma you might have. The more open you are the better.