Advice on adoption process

[Kebz]

Hi everyone, I'm new to Mumsnet and hoping to get some advice.

Me and my husband are in early stages of adoption and we have been told about needing one family reference and three from people who know us both. We have the family reference and one potential person to do one of the references but we still left with two. We have no idea what to do. It's not like we can just make friends with people, just have a reference. Ofcourse we want to build relationships and friendships but we've spent quite a few years cutting out toxic people out of ours lives. Anyone have any advice please?

@Kebz

Do you have other family members ? What about neighbours ? Work colleagues ?

We don't really have any other family just a sister in law and her nieces. But I'm in weekend position and don't really get time to make friends at work.

@Kebz

As well as referees you are going to be asked about your support network.
I think most adopters would say that their support network changes once they have a child at home. Mine has expanded hugely as I have met other adopters.
Adoption is a tough gig, you do need support.
Start thinking about some scenarios - who would help if you fell over and broke a leg, who will you call when you need a moan and a shoulder to cry on, what if you need a baby sitter?
If you really have no friends then you do really need to start cultivating some wider connections.
What about your partners work colleagues, neighbours? If you only work weekends what do you do during the week - could you volunteer to make some connections.
Adoption is also a very complex thing - you need to be resourceful and a problem solver. This is your first problem to sort out.
It's not uncommon for people to have to take some time to sort issues out. I had to wait nearly two years whilst finding the right job and sort some financial issues out.

Urgh, not having time to make friends is rough, I get it.

However, as @Ted27 said, you do need to think about being as resourceful as possible. You aren't just cultivating people to be references, but genuinely people who want to support you and your potential family.

I found that when I was open about the adoption process, lots of people wanted to talk to me about it. My referee was actually a work colleague who I was relatively friendly with I suppose, but once we started talking about adoption and the process, we became really close, and she was absolutely the best placed person because we had discussed all sorts of details of our lives. By the time references became necessary, she was the best person, and she has remained in our lives possibly partly because she was such a fundamental part of creating our family.

You might be surprised - we wanted to cover all angles, so we had a childhood friend, a family member and my work colleague, all of whom gave a different perspective and angle on what we would bring to the adoption party.