Stage 2

[Mysinglepringle]

I have just attended stage 1 preparation training, met some lovely people and all went well if a little repetitive.

I'm just interested to know what is involved in stage 2. I'm getting booked onto the next training. But I know its a lot more than just that course and being put to panel, but so far I haven't been able to figure out what exactly.

There was a lot of talk about early permanence, even though there is a separate course for this for those interested.

Any advice? Many thanks 😊

Our stage 2 was a series of meetings with our social worker where we discussed all the big topics that might affect our parenting with a social worker. We had one session each on our own to discuss things that were relevant to each party and I guess for the social worker to check we were in agreement even when we were apart.

We spent the time doing reading and building up childcare experience, then discussing that with our social worker as well. So for example, you might spend one session or part of a session discussing your health. If you are overweight, you could be asked why that is, whether it is triggered by an underlying health concern, what your plan is about it, what the prognosis might be, had you considered any weight managment strategies and did they work, why or why not, and then how you envision any diets working for both you and your child-seperate meals, mealtimes etc, how would you instill healthy eating for them, how could it make you feel if your child was rude about your weight or was embarrassed by you. Then they might suggest (or rather, you should probably suggest) you go away and read a book about how trauma and the gut are linked, and maybe a article about therapeutic parenting and eating, look at beacon house resources about disordered eating in children, and then come back the next session ready to discuss what you learned and show how you woukd parent accordingly.

I quite enjoyed stage 2 because I'm vain and like talking about myself! I didn't like talking about my weight though, so those conversations and questions stick out, and I remember what I was asked more because of it. However, it is the same principle.

Broadly the topics we covered were:

Our reasons for adopting
Our background/history and how it might affect our parenting styles
Potential challenges
Our relationship as a couple
Our support network
The child we wished to adopt, and why
How we wanted to live our lives and why
Reviewing pretend profiles and discussing them like a case study

All peppered through with questions about our understanding of attachment and trauma, and how that might link back.

Hope this helps!

@Torvy Thank you for your reply.

I'm really nervous about the 1:1 meetings and past history. I'll probably cry, a lot. I was almost crying this week in the training.

I have a biological daughter. When I had the initial visit my social worker said I wouldn't need to get any childcare experience because of her. But I'm wondering if this will change.

Do you have to go to any other training after the 1 day in stage 2?

Thank you again

I think the training offer differs from agency to agency. We had to do a 4 day training course in Stage 1, so it may well be that you need to double check. We got put in a group with other potential adopters (a bit like an antenatal class equivalent) and all did the training together.

The childcare experience requirement may well change, but it may be something that you want to consider anyway to make yourself more appealing to a child's social worker. I would say that it should focus on trying to specifically fill gaps that you might have in your knowledge, so less about general parenting (we didn't have bio children, so got asked whether we had changed nappies etc) and more about engaging with traumatised children (we had more experience of that through work).

In terms of the crying, I think it's likely the social worker will expect some emotion, because your past and the child's past will probably trigger something one way or another, but I would try and consider how it might look if you wept every single time you spoke to them, as it might suggest that you wouldn't be able to cope with the more challenging aspects of a child's story. It could suggest to a SW that you haven't quite processed your own story fully, and that you could struggle to help a child process their own without undue emotion beimg placed on the child. Often adopted children will need you to be in control of your own emotions in order to feel safe to let theirs show, and social workers will expect you to have other support mechanisms to release that emotion to (friends, therapists, your hairdresser) rather than in professional meetings or when you discuss difficult topics. It's a bit like it being ok to cry at work once, but if it becomes an everyday thing, there's going to be some questions asked, if you see what I mean!