My sister doesn't want her son.

[JollyViewer]

My sister (25) has a son (3) with her ex m (29). They split when nephew was 1. He found someone else and got married. Recently he has made the decision he no longer has time for my nephew and doesn't see much of them. My sister is struggling to cope and has even said that she can't cope and parent on her own to the point where she has sought advice from social services.

I'm close to my nephew and have a son of a similar age. I would love to have him live with us and keep him close to family. But I'm not sure if I can finically manage.

Any advice?

@JollyViewer

Honestly, the best thing you can get do for your nephew is to find ways to support your sister, rather than look at how you can have him live with you

Work out what she is she struggling with and help her to address that.
Eg is she getting all the benefits she is entitled to, is the ex supporting financially. Has the house work got on top of her and some help getting sorted, maybe a commitment to babysit for an overnight a week to give her a break.

Social services will be looking to keep them together and a caring and involved auntie will help enormously

@JollyViewer

I think you also need to reframe this in your own mind

I'm sure your sister does want her son, but she is clearly overwhelmed. It's really brave of her to recognise that and ask for help.

That's just it @Ted27 I do help her. Once a week I go to hers and help her clean up. I take all her washing and do it for her. I look after my nephew twice a week and sleepovers. I take him to play school on those days to.
This past week I've been unable to due to my son having chicken pox. She became angry with me. She rang my grandmother (85 & a few medical issues) and asked her if my nephew could stay there for one night. She didn't pick him up for 4 days. Left completely and switched her phone off.
I have tried soo hard to help her with all this whilst maintaining my job and staying on top of my household. The whole family have tried helping her. But they can't take it anymore she ends up expecting people to do things for her not with her.
She won't seek help from a Dr. She just says it my nephew that has caused this and she doesn't want him.

@JollyViewer

It's great that you and your family are being supportive and social services will take this into account.
Please don't take what she says about her son as indicative of her true feelings, it's more likely to be part of her inability to cope, it's easy to blame her son.
How was she with him before her partner left.
If you were to look after him as part of your family how do you envisage it working. What would he call you? What if your sister wanted some say, what if she turned things around and wanted him back. Kinship fostering can be very complex.
I'd suggest you talk to social services yourself and she what their thoughts are.
There are some Kinship carers groups around. I'll see if I can find some links

@JollyViewer
Have a look here

https://www.kinshipcarersuk.com/

@Ted27 it wasn't the best relationship. They both did things that hurt one another. Neither of them were wanting to have a baby they both enjoyed the partying and the childfree lifestyle too much. My sister did come around to it by the she was 8months. But him not so much. Even after my nephew was born he would still go out partying and stay out for days a time. That's essentially the reason why my sister left him.

Things started to look up for her. She was a great mum. She got everything she needed for a good stable life. But as my nephew got older things started to crack. She'd forget to go food shopping, she'd organised house parties and stay up drinking and then be too hungover for work and not take my nephew to play school. Let the house work slide. Started asking family to help financially and care for nephew because she couldn't then would go away with random men. She'd forget to pick nephew up from playschool and not answer the phone.
My nephew is currently having a sleep over at mine and has said a few things on the lines of his mummy doesn't like him. I've tried to reassure him she does and that she's just busy.

I have room him to live here. My son is only a year older and they have a great bond so that wouldn't be an issue either. He would still see and call me as his auntie. If my sister wanted back then I would be okay with that as long as it's something she really wanted. I would encourage as much contact between them as she wanted. I just want to do the best thing for everyone.