Direct contact with BP

[Littlebitoflove1234]

Hello

has anyone have much experience they can share about direct contact with birth parents, positive or negative.

Our daughter has been with us 5 years, her BP are still together and parents to children that now live with them without Social service involvement.

I would like her to do some life story work with professionals before looking into if direct contact is the right way forward

i know it would be individual to each child if it’s the right choice for them, but if anyone has had any experience for deciding if it’s a route to explore I would be grateful

I am afraid we do not have direct experience of this yet but hope to have soon. So, watching the thread with interest.

@Italiangreyhound if I’m being nosy please tell me so, but I’m at the very very very early stages of deciding if direct contact is something we should explore and it sounds like your further down the road than me. Do you have any advice or wise words about making the decision that this was right for your child, even simple things like how long the journey from deciding it something to look into to when it might happen.

i think it could be a longish road, I want post adoption supports input, maybe some life story work as I said above, plus post adoption support looking into if bp are in the right place for it, so making tentative exploratory steps now feels right, rather than waiting for it to be 100% the right time for her, and then having a year long journey ahead of us. but I think my husband panics that she would have a meeting with them next week so at the moment he is not keen of taking it any further x

@Littlebitoflove1234

Our son has been with us a decade and is now a teen. He has been asking about meeting his birth parents for about 4 years. so, we are hoping this is going to be something of benefit to him. I guess this is my key thing, will it benefit the child.

What we have found out on route is that the child is able to access some counselling/support/funding etc. Which I do think he will need.

May I ask how old your child is?

Good luck with it all.

@Italiangreyhound shes 6. She is super interested in her birth parents, loves getting their letters. Due to her personality and love of people, and her curiosity in them, I foresee this interest being maintained and for direct contact to take place in the future, and would rather it take place in a fully supported way rather than a secretive through social media way.

the hardest part of her story for her, is that her parents have more children, and so quickly after her that they got their act together for and now parent properly/safely. I have no safety concerns around her having a relationship with them, in a controlled supported manner, when she is mature enough to handle it, but could see her being ready in the next couple of years.

I hope things go well.

I am an adult adoptee. I'd tread carefully here and prioritise counselling for yourselves as much as your DC. I do think you need to explore her DC feeling a strong pull to the family of origin in these particular circs. How would you feel about that? It's ok to say you'd be uncomfortable.

Our younger sons started direct contact with their birth father in their mid teens. A social worker met him the day before each visit to check he was ready /not high for their visit. In about 10 visits only one had to be cancelled. Both birth parents died and we went with them to their funerals.They also got to know their birth mothers family. At his wedding our youngest had birth uncles and cousins from mums side and grandmother and aunt from birth dads side. Plus of course our families ,school,uni,work and sports friends. Now in their early 30s,They keep in vague touch with their wider birth through social media and their half sister and her teenagers visit regularly

My DD wants direct contact one day with BM which we are supportive of. I think it can be beneficial as long as there is no risk from the BPs. Siblings is a really tricky one. I would say there is a risk of these new children being removed. Its very early days. They are still very young. Both my DD BPs had subsequent children each with new partners and after a time of it all seeming to be ok both sets were taken into foster care and then on to just living with the new partners who were not with the origonal birth parents anymore. What i am saying is that things can change and her siblings may well end up not living with BPs.