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Feeling rubbish about DS compared to DNiece and DB

4 replies

SpiceMelange · 22/07/2024 16:17

Hello all,

This is my first post here, I couldn’t think of a great title but I have lurked here for quite a while and could use some of the solid wisdom I’ve seen given!

Apologies in advance but I’ll try to explain, me and DH and my Brother (DB) and his husband (DBIL) both of us have children who are adopted. The two children are my DS who is 10 and my Niece (DN) who is 12. My DBIL, DB and DN live aboard as my DBIL is Danish, they live in Denmark, my DN was adopted at just under a year in Denmark and is also Danish, my DB is also has Danish citizenship so went fully via the Danish system (just for background). We adopted DS when he was a 3.5 in England. Later this year we are going to Denmark for a holiday as a wider family holiday, there will be all of us above as above well as my parents, my sister, her husband and their 3DC as well as DBILs parents and sister in a country house. DS is really looking forward to the holiday and all the outdoor activities he can do.

My issue, and it is mostly my issue, is that I just feel that we always comes second in everyone else’s estimations when compared to as DN and that my DS due to his behaviour is just considered a nuisance and this is going to be just made worse when we are with everyone on holiday and we are all together. DS has FAS, some attachment issues and is currently under assessment for ADHD, he can be loud and misbehave, he also struggles academically and present younger than his age but he is wonderful, so funny, bright and kind. DN nothing (yet to be fair) diagnosed, has no issues socially, very clever, bilingual, she is a very lovely girl and is very kind to DS. With DN being so ‘unaffected’ the gulf in how DS and DN present is even wider and that my family just seem to think why DS can’t be like that, they don’t say anything but the quiet sighs and tuts when I have to calm DS several times an hour or when he has a meltdown or tantrum.

It seems so silly but it just feels like DS is othered even more and that me and DH are being judged as not ‘doing enough’ and that is why DS misbehaves rather than the obvious reasons! I just feel resentful and knackered and fed up, me and DH juggle are working around DS in careers that pay less so we can adapt to his needs, we live in a house that needs tonnes of work, we struggle with keeping on top of everything and trying to advocate for DS in a crappy LA. DB and DBIL have a really high income, DB gave up his job when they adopted DN and was a Stay at Home Dad and now has only just gone back part time with DN being older. My parents praise and talk about DN all the time and will want to spend all holiday with her. Growing up DB was always the high achiever, clever and popular and it just feels like it is being repeated again with DS and DN and I feel awful because DB and DB haven’t actually done anything, they don’t even live in the same country!

Thank you for anyone who actually made it through that! It feels so stupid when I write it all down and it isn’t even about the holiday really, I just feel so crap that everything is just hard and that my amazing DS has been through so much and has so much to deal with and even his own family aren’t 100% behind him. We won’t cancel the holiday as DS loves his cousin and I do like DB and DBIL even though we are very different. I don’t know whether to talk about this with my family or keep quiet and deal with it, I just feel fed up and worn out.

OP posts:
Ted27 · 22/07/2024 16:51

Oh bless you @SpiceMelange

That sounds very hard. You are doing a great job for your DS in meeting his needs and giving him opportunities.
No words of wisdom other than try and rise above it, can you and DH tag team bit so you can get a break if it gets too much.
It's a very personal decision about whether to say something to the family.
Personally I would but I was never one to just keep the peace for the sake of family harmony - at least when it's the same people being affected negatively every time.
I suppose one thing to consider is will your DS notice things as he gets older ?
And it's not stupid at all.

SpiceMelange · 23/07/2024 13:43

Thank you @Ted27 it makes a difference just writing it down! It is something that is becoming more obvious now that DS is older and it is becoming harder to fight for what he needs, our LA is pretty useless due to lack of staff and funding, like everywhere I suppose and it just makes me rage.

I’ve actually realised that this is probably more to do with my own issues than DS and that is something I need to consider as I don’t want it to affect DS when I am potentially putting my own feelings onto him. DS doesn’t notice and my parents aren’t bad or unloving, DS loves them and they have him for sleepovers and take him out on trips so they do a lot for us. They only see DN and DB a few times a year so I would expect them to fuss over DS if it was the other way round. Me and DH do tag team a lot when we are with the whole family so we have a good routine down 😁

I probably need a bit of therapy or counselling to separate things out of my own childhood and the current setup as I don’t want to get bogged down with my own issues that take away from good things for DS, like seeing his grandparents or his cousin. Me and DB had a significant fall out in our 20s for a while and our already stretched relationship was absolutely dire which didn’t help overall relationships, but I do need to keep an eye on the whole web of relationships though in the future to make sure DS doesn’t lose out or treated in a way that he notices.

Gah! I can’t keep wallowing, I’ll have to had discussion with DH about some counselling and I’ll be packing the wine for the holiday!

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 08/08/2024 14:54

Surely they know they need to cut your DS, and you guys, some slack given his particularly rough start to life and resultant issues! I’m not saying DN wouldn’t have her own struggles but in the face of it your DS sounds as though he had 3 very traumatic and dysfunctional years, then with displacement after that. I would think any understanding person would think his behaviour is to be expected, not judge him and you guys for it.

Torvy · 09/08/2024 07:28

@SpiceMelange Oh it is 100% not being stupid. Sibling relationships are the most enduring and can be some of the most infuriating even when you are grown up. The relationships my siblings and I have shaped our lives in one way or another.

My DB has a son who just seems to be the golden child, beloved by all and yet has tantrums and can be quite mean to other kids (saying to ours that he doesn't want to play with them etc) yet he is just 'being silly' whereas ours are sort of pitied and thought of as naughty or 'well what would you expect, you know, they are adopted/being brought up by two women/living down south/taken out every weekend to do enriching activities/allowed to choose their own clothes'. Maddening, but all exacerbated by my own feelings about my siblings who can do no wrong because they conformed to what my parents wanted them to be and do whereas I scarpered and flew the nest asap.

I don't know about confronting them. It depends on your family vibe. I've tried a few times and have been told that I just "come home and stir the pot then leave" when I've tried to have honest conversations about stuff. Plus, few of my family members have time for nuance or subtlety, and can be as pig headed as I am when I comes to believing that they are right, so arguing the toss with them will just exhaust me and ruin what might be a nice time.

That being said, I do find it gratifying to have some way of showing how independent/successful we are in comparison to everybody else's glowing school records and gushing about how polite DN is. On holiday, we plan in seperate family time that is just the four of us and make it something really cool or different that ours will be really good at (like rock climbing, going to an adventurous park or even just seeing a film) and then just sort of drop it in- oh we are going to do xyz today, does anybody want to come with us? That way we can set the agenda for at least part of it so our kids are overtly successful, especially if they are not on their home turf like their cousins (everyone always forgets when they visit, they have come off the back of like a 5 hour car journey into a less familiar enviroment and the expectations are still the same as the kids who are just chilling at home.)

It helps me to feel like I'm not just waiting on them to decide to to activities that I know my kids can't be successful at. I also get a bit petty. My family place a high value on sitting and eating a full plate of dinner, and disapprove greatly that I don't force my kids to do it. But it's not the same for my kids, they just can't do that (yet), but my family insist on going to several high stakes meals out in pubs or big dinners at my parents house. So if they have annoyed me, I pettily lean into being as passive aggressively obnoxiously sweet to my children as I can and make very loud comments about how "of course it's ok that you can go to the play area before everyone else is finished darling" and revel in my parents shocked faces that I would permit my child to do something so outrageous as get down from the table early (see also: using tablets at the table, only eating chips, not sitting down to eat, etc). I find a perverse delight in living up to all their expectations of how they think we parent our child if they can't be generous or kind when we make so much effort to come to these things with them. I would never normally allow my child to go play in the play area during dinner, but then again I would never normally make them sit down for over an hour with only adult conversation to keep them entertained, so to me all bets are off in that situation.

If your partner is supportive , you could go one step further and play bullshit bingo, seeing who manages to predict with accuracy what will be said and by whom. Preempting things is sometimes the best way to take the sting out of it. If you know someone is going to tut or roll their eyes, you could make a bet on how many times, or promise yourself a malteser for each eye roll in a dinner. Even better, try and predict the most outrageous thing your DS will do and who will be most offended. Bonus points for if they literally clutch their pearls.

If I am honest, you seem to be on the right lines that part of the problem is that it all seems a bit tied up in your own feelings about being second best, and that's all tied up in your own self esteem and your relationship with your family. If you had a tonne of self confidence, their opinions wouldn't matter. If you felt at ease and secure in your relationships with them, you probably would feel less compared and less judged. I know that is what triggers my reactions to my family. You can't change either of those things quickly (as I well know!) but you can sort of fake it so that you feel like you have at least come out of some of it on top, rather than it feeling like a slog of negative comparisons.

However, you also don't have to play their games of success and you don't have to tell them anything. My kids have a whip sharp sense of humour and do stupid dances and quote Bluey ad infinitum when they are chilling at home with me, but just can't relax enough to do that around my parents. But I like to know that as my little secret thing that I know about my kids and my parents don't get to know. I have found so much solace in building my understanding of our family unit as something only we get to experience, and that everyone else is missing out on. Can you make a little list of things that your son only does when he is with you and relaxed and have it on your phone to look at? Or a list of funny things he said, or photos of him being super cool and cute for ready access when you feel a bit compared?

And also, I keep reminding myself that I may be bloody knackered, but I'm parenting our kids better than my siblings or my parents ever could have done even whilst I'm functioning on 3 hours sleep.

I think counselling will help if you want to talk things through, and it is always helpful to have someone else be able to say the gnarly parts of your feelings to without judgement.

In the meantime, I hope the wine helped, and that the holiday was bearable!

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