Chasing school - find it awkward

[teekay88]

Was going to post this on general chat thread but thought I may find a more sympathetic ear here!

I do have social anxiety (pretty high functioning but I inwardly struggle with these things!) one of my real triggers is having to chase ppl on things I need, in this case for DS. I know a lot of ppl would say if someone hasn't done something and it's their job I have every right to chase but I find it so awkward

Because DS has a lot of overall appts and assessments going on at the moment, there's a lot of back and forth happening on emails. He recently was assessed privately for ADHD. Firstly I haven't been overly impressed with the hospital. Considering they are a main provider in our area and generally well regarded I've found their communication around what to expect, next steps etc very patchy. I've had to chase quite a lot for answers to quite basic questions and keep being passed from pillar to post (bearing in mind we are paying £1k for this!).

When we had our assessment coning up I made school senco aware we needed some paperwork filling for DS. They didn't reply but because they are quite proactive usually and I'd given them the instructions I didn't think much of it and wrongly assumed it would be done. When we got to the appt they mentioned no paperwork from school so I then chased by email and the senco apologized that they'd missed the original email and said they'd get paperwork sent as a priority. They then confirmed they'd sent it but the hospital said the paperwork sent was blank (I always seem to have issues with things like this!). I chased them last week after this and they said they'd send on. It's now coming up to end of term and obviously I'm keen to get it wrapped up to not run risk of not happening and us wasting all that money on an incomplete assessment. I followed up with email to hospital today and they said they still haven't had it through. So I've now sent probably an overly polite/passive chaser to school. And have got myself in a tizz that I'm being annoying/pushy/irritating (even though I'm also irritated inside that this is taking so long and I can't seem to reply on ppl to do their jobs!)

Anyone else struggle with things like this?! Extra exhausting as I have to do so much advocacy for my son and so much liaison anyway. It just makes me feel like in a giant nag and drain on everyone's time!

It’s not nagging to ask someone to do something necessary and that they are being paid to do. I don’t love doing it and resent the time it takes but I have learned to be very direct and to escalate where things just don’t get done.

I don’t tend towards being overly polite, I refer to x communication on y date and ask when I can now expect to have z, which is now delaying whatever process. While I value good professional relationships, these folk aren’t my friends.

Yes I’m afraid sometimes those who shout the loudest get dealt with first. It’s annoying and not right but I’ve learnt sometimes you need to be a bit of pain to get what you need. I also don’t assume people will do what they say and will ask to be copied in or will chase for confirmation that something has been done. On the flip side I do always make a point of saying thankyou and passing back positive feedback.

Dont worry about chasing. School staff are busy and overworked, yes, but that means you have to act like their memory for them. There is nothing worse than a parent not getting the support they need because I've forgotten to do something because it fell off the bottom of my to do list and they didn't remind me only for them to resent me for it later on. I want parents to recognise that I'm only human, have a rubbish memory and want them to remind me.

The way you can word it might be something like hi, I know you are really busy so I'm just bumping this to the top of your inbox as the deadline is in 2 days and the hospital needs it done by then. Is there any more info you need?

Yeah they should of course do it without needing to be prompted but it is nice to have an understanding parent who kindly keeps it at the top of my awareness.

You could also ask the hospital to chase as they are being paid! Often it is easier to get stuff if another professional asks.

You can vary the methods of chasing if that feels better. Phone, email, reminding them in person. All fine.

I chased the school office several times over getting a photo code. First I spoke to the kids teacher, then I emailed the office, then I mentioned it in person to the lady covering the office when I dropped off kiddo from his appointment l, sent a follow up email and finally called, after which they sent the code. It wasn't their priority but it was mine so I gently and tenaciously persisted. No need to be rude or abrupt if you don't want to be, but just 'aggressively present '. It's the same thing I do when I'm waiting to be seated at a restaurant or be served and the queue is long. Be pleasantly, visibly, kindly, annoyingly present, and try to treat others as you would wish to be treated. @teekay88

I want parents to recognise that I'm only human, have a rubbish memory and want them to remind me.

I think it would be great if every professional just remembered to do what they says they would, but that damned human factor keeps creeping in. I’d rather someone chase me for something that matters than get pissed off thinking I don’t care. I do but the busyness of the job so easily takes over and there’s always something urgent, some crisis that knocks everything down the list.

So I guess I see it from both sides - as a parent who needs to keep on top of things and the professional who sometimes needs reminded. I think remembering that people aren’t usually ignoring you, or that they aren’t generally disinterested but are juggling many priorities does help take the sting out of chasing stuff that you need.

@Jellycatspyjamas that human factor indeed, it's such a bugger!

This is the problem when you are on both sides of the desk. I'm always amazed when professionals do what they are supposed to and when they are supposed to do it because I know that I fall short on anything that isn't immediately urgent more often than I would like.

Then I remind myself that's because some of the stuff I have make them deal with with my kids is probably the most extreme and most urgent they will have to deal with that day and I feel less bad!

But yeah, I try to give grace where I can and am.as gentle as I can be in creating pressure.

It doesn't work for everyone though. For the GP surgery receptionists I have to bring out the big guns, aka my kids with no tablets after school and let them play in the reception loudly narrating how if we could only get an appointment we could go home darling, I'm sure the nice ladies will work something out really soon, then we can leave them in peace....

Works like a charm 😄