Where does trauma come from?

[Nadie0212]

New prospective parent here.
We have been cleared for Registration of Interest.
Apologies if I'm asking something silly.

Adoptive children come with their little luggage of problems in the form of trauma (I'm guessing), this trauma and the problems that it generates come from the bad experience with the biological parents? or comes from the Foster system? or both? Is it 60% 40%? is it 70% 30%?

I think people are being overly nit picky on this thread. Apparently its not acceptable to refer to trauma as luggage but you can refer to health diagnoses as a bingo card..

Make it make sense

I didn't say that.

Have you adopted?

I think posters found the phrase "little luggage of problems" minimising. Most adopters deal with very serious consequences of trauma every day. However, the OP clearly stated that they were inexperienced and at the beginning of their journey. Back then, none of us knew what we know now.

It's much more than minimizing it's a completely horrible way to describe the trauma a child or baby will inevitably have after being separated from their mother's or family. Though adopters deal with the child's trauma, it's the children that are traumatized. Theirs is the hardest trauma out of the adoption triad. Nobody hoping to adopt should be using dismissive terms like this in 2025, regardless of their 'inexperience'. It doesn't bode well.

Only a little one from me. Lots of very informed responses on here but they are no doubt much further along in their journey than you. Almost 6 years in and I am very much still early days in on my journey learning about trauma. Our child has so many awesome qualities about them that live alongside the trauma. I have no idea what is going on in that little brain of theirs but very often they are happy and feel safe with me and I hope that they are able to live the very best life possible for them despite the challenges they faced early on and the ripple effect that causes. I'm not perfect at handling it but I work on it every day.
Good luck

Six years ago was not that long ago, 'back then'? Ridiculous. Almost as if there were no resources, therapy or education you could have utilized before you decided to adopt?

You state:

But they are no doubt much further along in their journey than you?

I'm an adoptee, over forty. I believe my 'journey' as you put it, is well travelled now.

You're a parent by adoption, that in no way makes you or other parents by adoption, the people who understand the life time trauma, many, if not most adoptees, to varying levels, carry.

I'm not sure if this post was aimed at me - sorry if it wasn't. I was not trying to offend anybody. Adoption is a very upsetting topic and many people have very strong views on it understandably. I was trying to support the op a little because some posters can sound quite aggressive in their responses and the last thing the system needs is prospective adopters being put off when they might just be trying to find out a bit more information. It might also stop them seeking out more information.
Adoptive families live with their situations every day and it's not until you really live it, that you have the ability to even start to understand it.
And if you were suggesting I said something about 'back then' referencing 6 years ago - I was only talking about how ill informed I was, not that things didn't exist Also adopters come in all shapes and sizes and from different walks of life - some have lots of knowledge about trauma for varying reasons. Some start with very little and have to learn and also fit it in with the things things that go on in everyday life.

Again, if I've got the wrong end of the stick and this wasn't a response to my post, I apologise.

I was not trying to offend anybody. Adoption is a very upsetting topic and many people have very strong views on it understandably. I was trying to support the op a little because some posters can sound quite aggressive in their responses and the last thing the system needs is prospective adopters being put off when they might just be trying to find out a bit more information.

If a prospective adopted parent is 'put off' because other's have expressed disbelief in the way she has described adoption trauma as a 'little luggage of problems' that's for the good. Anybody using that kind of terminology in 2025 has no business adopting. As you know, adoption isn't all roses.

It might also stop them seeking out more information.

Why would this valid criticism stop a person who is ready to do the work and become a trauma informed prospective parent to seek out information?

Adoptive families live with their situations every day and it's not until you really live it, that you have the ability to even start to understand it.

And if you were suggesting I said something about 'back then' referencing 6 years ago - I was only talking about how ill informed I was, not that things didn't exist.

This is a huge issue. Ill informed? That's completely on you. The resources practical and academically are now more than ever available to any prospective adopted parent and have been available for at least the past ten to I'd argue, more like twenty years or more.

Also adopters come in all shapes and sizes and from different walks of life - some have lots of knowledge about trauma for varying reasons. Some start with very little and have to learn and also fit it in with the things things that go on in everyday life.

The adoptee has to live a very complicated life. They have no genetic mirroring. They are more likely to be in the mental health or prison services.

The odds of a reported suicide attempt are ∼4 times greater in adoptees compared with nonadoptees. Recent studies have shown that number may be even higher.

Adopted people face special challenges in the development of identity, making it difficult to construct a coherent narrative linking past, present, and future.

Adoption legally seperates the adoptee from all kin for the rest of their lives. Try balancing those eggs and you surely must understand that whilst it may be difficult to care for a child, it's more than a bumpy road for the adoptee. Therefore I'd argue that language and terminology is highly important.

Lastly adoption breaches the human rights other humans have automatically.

I think that's it. Describing a draconian human rights breach as a little luggage feels minimising.

If that doesn't make sense, that's on you.

We all start knowing nothing in life, but not all lessons are delivered as kindly as we'd like. We can learn, or we can get hung up on the delivery, get defensive.

I choose learning. A good adopter chooses learning.

A good adopter chooses learning, but a good educator chooses to teach with kindness and understanding, not aggression and humiliation.

We all win, if more people get educated about the effects of trauma, irrespective if they themselves go on to adopt or not. Our children need professionals, parents of other children, politicians, etc. to be educated and on board. That is not going to happen if our approach is aggressive.

If we encounter aggression, we respond with fear. Fear prevents learning. That is how the brain works, and everyone informed about trauma knows that.

I accept I'm not an here as an educator, just an adoptive parent.

good adopter chooses learning, but a good educator chooses to teach with kindness and understanding, not aggression and humiliation.

I'm not a educator. I have given a perspective that some of the poster's think may be harsh. It's not, it's direct. Interesting, I''m a few groups re adoption and a common theme seems to be to accuse or hint that the person, usually an adoptee, is aggressive in delivering their understanding from the perspective of being an adoptee. Please do not in a round about way accuse me of humiliating or of being aggressive. This takes away from the important issues of adoptees and the issues they may have. It's effectively trying to shut down other views.

We all win, if more people get educated about the effects of trauma, irrespective if they themselves go on to adopt or not. Our children need professionals, parents of other children, politicians, etc. to be educated and on board. That is not going to happen if our approach is aggressive.

Again, my approach was not aggressive.

What was aggressive, insulting and heartbreaking for me is to see how some, not all, are ready to minimize. That is not winning. This is not 'inexperience', this is not about a mistake, this is a red flag. We must learn from the mistakes of days gone by and do better. Looked after children don't deserve adopted parents who are so flippant about their trauma. Far too many children, throughout the world, have been horrendously let down due to attitudes and beliefs like this.

If we encounter aggression, we respond with fear. Fear prevents learning. That is how the brain works, and everyone informed about trauma knows that.

You, nor the orginal poster have encountered aggression. Please don't gaslight me I am very trauma informed.

@simonlebone I didn't find what you said aggressive at all, and I think lecturing you about how to "educate" is bizarre!

@Nadie0212 There has been a huge amount of very userfriendly info available in relation to research around trauma, neuroscience informed, for many, many years. Some very lovely, altruistic, very experienced in the field psychiatrists have made videos which are highly accessible to normal people.

Beacon House has made good videos which summarise some of the good science around this.

Sarah Naish I would avoid, personally, as what she writes is a mishmash of cribbed advice from some okay sources and some very out of date advice from the 70s and 80s, I think.

The key thing is that people who have suffered from trauma can recover and helped to heal - this is the key finding from the more recent neuroscience informed trauma research. If adoptive parents are very well informed they will have a far greater chance of connecting with their adopted children, which is absolutely fundamental, and helping their adopted children make sense of what has happened to them.

Reading up on child development research is also absolutely essential, in terms of informing you about therapeutic things you can do and making sure you are aware of the spectrum of "normal" and what to expect and many other aspects