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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Experience Advice

16 replies

LLV · 11/07/2024 13:40

Hello,

I am looking for any advice. Ideally from people who had limited childcare experience prior to adopting.

My Husband and I are very keen to adopt. Its coming upto a year since i started making a real effort to get the experience thats is asked for. Unfortunately i feel that weve hardly made any progress. I have reached out to visitation centres, holiday camps, nursuries etc and not heard anything back. Conversations with friends about being willing babysitters haven't lead anywhere. Most people we know with young children need help during the working week and dont have the disposable income or energy for date nights. No children within the family in the UK. Ive reached out to the local authority for advice. I basically asked if i stopped working and volunteered for 6 months etc or moved to work in childcare what experience would my husband need to obtain on top of mine. I basically got told if my husband doesn't have time to do volunteering when schools / nurseries etc are open we should consider if it is the right time for us to adopt.

How did people in similar situations get the experience they need? Did they take career breaks etc?

Thanks in advance for any advice that can be given 😊

OP posts:
Beetham · 11/07/2024 14:33

What experience do each of you have currently? Do you both have none at all, or only very small amounts?

I haven't known anyone for whom it's been that big of a deal, although none of them had no childcare experience at all. Doesn't sound like your LA are being very helpful, I think a career break would be a bad idea unless you already wanted to do it for other reasons. You would likely take a paycut, have to manage the stress of changing jobs and loose your cuurent network of friends at work.

However there are lots of volunteering oportunities of an evening which could be a good place to start, things like guiding and scouts, near me there are lots of evening special needs groups that welcome volunteers and that is likely to be particularly suited to adoptiong.

LLV · 11/07/2024 15:16

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I have brownies experience and my husband has scouts. We both stopped shortly after lockdowns due to isolation pings which effected our work commitments. We have been advised we need to get more experience with younger children and those with additional needs so are trying to focua on this . Outside of two year of guiding we play with children at Christenings / birthday parties/ interactions in parks when walking the dog etc. We appreciate you need experience for a reason. Would you be able to offer any guidance on what resources you used to find volunteering opportunities that helped you with adoption? Thanks for your help

OP posts:
paperrings · 11/07/2024 17:13

Our LA were quite relaxed for our childcare experience. We needed to complete at least 15h in a formal-ish setting so there was someone to give a report on us. We also had to write a learning journal on these sessions as well as any other babysitting we had done for friends and family.
We both ended up doing a run of mornings at the local pre-school (attached to the primary school) who were really happy to have us once we found the right person to contact!
DH had to use flexitime to take time off of work for this but my work just let me have it off along with the other training bits.

It probably helped that we had already completed Stage 1 when we started so had our DBS's ready to share.

DH also helped at our local Barnardos centre during their drop in clinic but it took a very long time to get through all their training and other checks to do that but it was worthwhile once he finally got in!

From our Prep-group cohort most people ended up having similar issues trying to volunteer at private nurseries unless they knew children who already attended who's parents could get them in. Everyone had to take time off of work to do this part though unfortunately.

LLV · 11/07/2024 18:44

Hello,

Thank you your message it was really useful. We've used most of our leave for holidays this year. But weve chatted and decided well buy more leave next year and focus on using the majority of it for volunteering.

Appreciate the guidance 😊

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 11/07/2024 23:22

@@Ted27 has some great advice for what she did She basically made her own experience at a local school by offering to run a gardening club, I think.

Italiangreyhound · 11/07/2024 23:50

I will suggest some things, if you have already tried them, please ignore.

Larger churches will have Sunday Clubs and children's work, they will often have a creche. If you belong to another faith they may have something similar. In a church the creche will not be especially 'religious' in any group! I am sure our church would be delighted to have more volunteers!

If you don't like the idea of any religious groups then try something like clubs for young kids doing things like music for mummies/daddies, singing for babies etc. Rugby/Tumble Tots, baby swim clubs, specific clubs for children with disabilities etc, sensory rooms, children with learning difficulties etc, as well as Rainbows/Beavers etc. I know many of these groups the mums/dads, will be with the kids but if you are a DBS checked volunteer who helps generally, I am sure you will get time with the kids too.

One of the good things about volunteering with young kids is that it is usually very small amounts of time, e.g. I read to kids at my local pre-school. And I did assisted readings with young children at the local primary school. I wasn't doing these things specifically for adoption, we have a birth child and I was already volunteering, but it did all count towards our 'experience'.

If you or your husband are working from home and get an hour for lunch you may even find that is enough time to do something locally in a pre-school. Or are you in the office, is there a pre-school near your office?

My husband found it much harder as he was working full time, (I was already part-time) and it was pre-Covid so we were not working at home. My husband was already volunteering in a club with children of a variety of ages, people with learning difficulties, and that was useful. He also helped at church with the little ones in creche.

I really do hope you will find the right thing and do persevere with it because you sound lovely.

Torvy · 12/07/2024 00:09

Goodness me I found this requirement really tricky,, especially with the younger children.

I've not got a mass of solutions, but could you speak with someone at a religious institution (Sunday school type thing) to see whether they might help you get some experience? If you are in London, children's centres with home start offer a buddy volunteering system where volunteers are paired with struggling parents to offer support a few times a week, that could work. They need people to help mums with the after schools and evening sessions.They also need help with daytime sessions, although I get that isn't very practical. You could also consider asking at your local nursery if they specifically want someone to come in and read with the children of a younger age, although you might have more truck with this at a primary school level. You could become a governor of a local school, or volunteer for the PTA of the local school or a friend or relatives child's school. I'm sure they would love some volunteers at the local school fair, and you would be interacting with the children there. Could you read stories at your local library? Volunteer at their Lego club? At a push, if you have a while and a desire for a lifestyle change, you could register as a childminder? You could look and see whether adoption UK had any suggestions or advice too. Bigger hospitals also sometimes have volunteer play people in their children's department or kids wards to help kids who are nervous engage with the toys and stuff in the waiting room, could that be an option once a week?

In terms of babysitting, could you volunteer to go out with parents for a day and let them supervise their kids in the park whilst they go for a wander for an hour? Free, and then you have that ticked off as you were in sole charge of them. You could build it up as you go along. Or even just asking friends to be present with them through the night time routine should work- ok, so it wasn't you putting the baby to bed on your own, but you saw how the comforted their child who had a nightmare or wouldn't go to bed. We spent a lot of time going to the zoo and crashing friends family days out.

You have said you have reached out to summer camps, could you try something with a specific interest of disabled children, like a riding school?

You could also look and see whether rainbows/squirrels need some volunteers.

Just on another note, it's particularly tricky to get the type of experience needed because for example I know for sure I couldn't inflict my two children on a well-meaning adopter to be mainly because I still want them to consider adoption afterwards 🤣 but for real, attachment issues are no joke, so actually getting first hand experience of direct care for kids like the ones you might be placed with is actually really tricky because their caregivers obviously work quite hard to protect the bond. It's one thing the child going to nursery, it's another one entirely to go be taken care of by someone who isn't a well known adult! So I get it feels frustrating.

The recommendation to get some experience with disabled children often focuses on children with severe physical impairments, but from my (limited) experience, for most children who are placed for adoption, that is not their defining or most prominent need. It is about attachment, and (if I can get on my soap box for a moment) I get frustrated that there is this obligation to prove you can build a relationship with a child and commit to volunteering if you will then most likely have to stop to commit to your own child. And if the volunteering doesn't rely on relationship building, how does it build the skills for adoption? The closest thing I can think of that might actually be useful might be an autism group as the behaviours of developmental trauma and autism overlap somewhat, although they have very different needs. Or maybe an fasd group if that exists.

Anyway, I hope some of these ideas might be helpful!

Italiangreyhound · 12/07/2024 02:15

Oh yes I was so feeling about volunteering at a hospital.

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 12/07/2024 07:31

20 years ago now, so may be very out of date.

I had zero experience, but I was working part time (had gone part time for IVF and then stayed part time to help with PIL)

I found asking about volunteering didn't get me anywhere until I was explicit as to why.

I ended up doing a morning a week at a pre-school and then added in an after school childcare club at the same location that afternoon too. I must have been there a couple of years, all the way through assessment and then waiting for a match. I didn't stop until we had been to panel for our DC. I didn't need to stay that long, but I enjoyed it. It was invaluable and gave me so much confidence.

DH didn't actually do any, but he had experience of nieces and nephews and I was going to be a SAHM.

GracieHC · 12/07/2024 07:44

During the approval process we volunteered at a weekend club for kids with additional needs. I think most counties in the UK have similar and are
affiliated with the local authority. So that might be worth a look.
After approval we were told to get experience specifically in our approved age range of 0-2. Like you experienced we never heard anything back from any places we contacted and really it wasn’t a living in the real world request because if you work a Monday - Friday job who’s boss is going to let them do this every week for an indefinite amount of time?
We ended up really over egging the time we spent with our friends with kids of a similar age and it was enough.

teekay88 · 12/07/2024 08:07

Out LA was quite relaxed and accepted us being put in touch with a friend of a friends child and consistently looking after her on our own managing things like bed, bath, trips out, daily routine etc. This was throughout our process from when she was around 1.5 to about 2.5. they came to do a couple of observations with us and also held an interview with the parents. We didn't have a prior relationship with them and we worked on doing things that may come up during intros with our own child so this seemed to satisfy them although I appreciate this is rare.

The only thing I can think of (and they should be open to this if they want to facilitate your experience!) is you could ask the LA if they have adoption groups you could volunteer with at weekends. Our county has play groups and additional needs groups for adopted children and I'm sure they'd appreciate an extra pair of hands if they did the appropriate checks etc

While I completely understand why this requirement is in place i also think this is why adoption (despite what is claimed in official advertising) is sometimes criticized as so middle class. Many working people just don't have the luxury of taking huge hits to their working hours to accommodate these things and don't always have the options open to them within their local community to facilitate it. One thing I wish I'd have been braver about is providing some gentle challenge at times. I would present them with all the evidence of the efforts you have made to arrange this, ask about weekend adoption groups and then ask them what they would suggest or if they have a service that can help facilitate you finding an appropriate placement

LLV · 12/07/2024 11:16

Wow! Thank you everybody for the really helpful advise. I hadnt thought about churches and hospitals so will gives these options attention . Also really appreciate the guidance on what type of experience is actually useful (rather thab just box ticking etc) Feeling more positive now 😁

OP posts:
UnderTheNameOfSanders · 12/07/2024 12:53

I found the pre-school / ASC setting helpful because:

It covered our age range (eventually matched with 2.5 and nearly 8yo)
Large variety of children so I learned to interact with different personalities and abilities.
I learned lots of activities I could do with my DC when they arrived.

Some of the parents got to know why I was there and were helpful, and one turned out to be an adoptive parent.
When my DC arrived occasionally children/families I knew turned up at extra curricular things.

I personally think something like 'listening to readers' is less helpful (though better than nothing) as you don't really get the general interaction time, you have to stay quite task focused.

TimerousBeastie · 12/07/2024 13:40

Have you tried your local children centre, there is usually a mix of children there from lots of different backgrounds who attend stay and plays and other groups, often they do a Saturday group once a month which your husband might be able to volunteer with, if week days are difficult.

Parksitting · 13/07/2024 22:01

My husband volunteered at a weekend sports club for children with additional needs and their siblings. Hilariously 50% of the volunteers were 6th formers who wanted to study PE at uni needing experience and 50% were people getting experience for adoption! Some of the people he met we are still in touch with now we all have children.

Whatthechicken · 14/07/2024 18:30

Primary schools are always looking for adults to help with reading. Generally, it's just sitting with young children while they read to you and helping them. Just explain why you'd like to help.

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