How do you feel when things go well?

[teekay88]

I was reflecting on something today with my therapist that after 3 long years of ups and downs, constant anxiety about how my son is coping or not coping, all the therapeutic parenting, all the advocacy, all the endless research, all the sleepless nights after bad days at school, wondering if things will ever feel better, I probably struggle to accept when we go through a phase of feeling better. I've got so used to having something to worry about that when I get some reprieve I don't know what to do with it and my mind tries to tell me not to get too comfortable because it won't last or there'll be something else around the corner. It means I'm not enjoying my downtime or headspace because I just can't relax.

We don't have the most dramatic stories or experiences but we probably fall somewhere in the moderate category of issues adoption can bring up for parents and families and we've had a particularly intense year as my son began school and we ran into another world of issues we were hoping wouldn't come up (but sort of knew they would). Over the past month despite endless appts, life admin, advocacy and more worry, actually things are feeling a little more hopeful now that we finally have some support in place or at least plans to get to where we want to be. We are struggling with some behaviours still and that feels a constant but our ability to manage those behaviours at home is feeling more natural and less conscious.

I am always filled with anxiety about what's next. I was curious to hear from adopters who may struggle with day to day issues with their children (especially around behaviour and additional needs): how do you feel or cope when things appear to be on an upward streak? Do you similarly find other things to attach anxiety too or do you enjoy it while it lasts?

@teekay88

Like you we were always very up and down. Had a few bad years in the early teens and slowly got better. Just took it all a day at a time. Enjoyed the good stuff, slogged through the rest. Tried not to think too far ahead.
I used to write a adoption blog for work, one year I wrote something along the lines of 'when he arrived I expected nothing and hoped for everything"

He is 20 soon, at uni, we are enjoying a grown up holiday in Copenhagen at the moment.
The 'old' days do seem a long time ago now .
I think what helped me most was just not comparing us to other families and him to other children and young people. We went our own way, dealt with our own stuff at our own pace.

We got there in the end, you will too. It's just up to you to decide where 'there' is.

I would try to work on your coping mechanisms now. There is a good chance the teenage years will be very tricky and you need to be a good place when that starts.

I try to make sure I notice everything that is going well or that has improved and on the fact that my children are lovely and determined to get better. I don't think too far ahead, because things can change quickly. I make sure I get enough self-care and do lots of research, so I feel I am prepared and, to an extend, in control. I enjoy the times when my children are with others and I know they are having fun. Live the moment as much as you can and don't loose your optimism. Give your system time to adjust. When things are better, it takes me a while to destress.