Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Adoption fallen through

7 replies

CatLady14 · 12/06/2024 20:44

Recently our adoption fell through. The foster carer put blocks in the way throughout intros and this prevented us from bonding with our son. We had to remove ourselves from the process as the FC told the SW he wasn't safe with us. This was absolute garbage. We had a wonderful time with him.
I am struggling to come to terms with it all. I just wonder if anyone else has been through something similar?

OP posts:
rabblenotrebel · 12/06/2024 23:28

I've name changed, but sporadically post.

Yes, we went through something similar. I grieved a lot. For us, it was about placement of a sibling. The FC didn't like us as a family, and blocked the placement of the sibling. It's deeply unfair, and at this stage, there's little to no appeal. Did you have the matching cert etc?

I'm sorry for your loss.

CatLady14 · 13/06/2024 07:27

I'm so sorry for what you went through too.
We had been unanimously approved at panel and had the matching certificate etc. Our little one was due to move in the next day then the FC pulled the rug out from under us.
My partner doesn't want to adopt at all now so it's really hard.

OP posts:
ScottishBeth · 13/06/2024 13:42

What an awful situation, I'm so sorry.

How long ago was this? What has your social worker said about it all?

mumof2many1943 · 13/06/2024 14:52

My heart goes out to you, this so easily could have been us with first AS. Foster carers disliked us and were very obstructive and made contact very difficult and unpleasant. Fortunately SW liked us and helped me get through it.
A big plus birth parents liked us.
Could you not speak to the SW she/he must have thought you a good match.
Please don’t give up, take care.

Jellycatspyjamas · 13/06/2024 19:52

I’m so sorry, that all sounds awful - what on earth was happening with social worker during intros. They should have been managing the process with foster carers.

Formby · 13/06/2024 22:43

It seems you are saying the match is definitely not proceeding? Was the mid-point meeting positive during the introductions? If there were concerns, these should have been thoroughly looked at during the intros.
Can you request a meeting with your social worker and the child’s social worker to see if there’s any way to get back on track?
If there’s no way back, then your social worker should be working with you to offer guidance and discuss where you stand regarding your future as approved adopters. You probably need time to reflect on this experience before making any big decisions.
Good luck.

Torvy · 14/06/2024 06:26

Goodness me, that's a long way to get through for it to fall through. What a difficult experience. If it was recently, I would definitely be taking some time to pause, regroup and reflect. I would also be asking your social worker what happened- if they weren't sure, they could have paused or extended the intros whilst any allegations were investigated and an accurate conclusion drawn. It seems so frustrating that the SW had so little sway over this relationship if they were all happy to proceed and had no concerns themselves.

What a shame for LO and your little family to be. Is there definitely no way that it could go ahead? The thing with FC, and I mean this in the nicest possible way to them, is that once the child has moved in with you, they genuinely have a very very different role to play in the child's life. It is less significant, because you are the ones doing the caring. Some FC can be angels, some can be very toxic, but regardless, you get to make choices about the future relationships you have with them once you are past that final hurdle.

I can imagine that if you removed yourselves it must have been a difficult and heartwrenching decision to make, and if you were the ones who made the decisions then it might take some time to process that. Introductions are hideously emotional, and the adrenaline that is seeing you through can take a while to dissapate and for you to come to terms with it in the long run. It might take some time- maybe an agreed break between you and OH might help him to not feel too rushed? It can be easy to feel you need to slam the brakes on if you feel out of control, whereas if he has time and space to come to terms with stuff, maybe talk it out with family and friends or a therapist, he might be able to view it differently. If it was recently, I should imagine it is all a bit raw and upsetting to consider something else right now.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread