We have recently halted our adoption application as I just cannot handle the overbearing interest in my ex-partners.
one was 15 years ago for two years. I have no contact with him but have no issue with sw making contact.
the other was 13 years ago for one year. It was violent (some police reports but no charges), and when I left him had to get a police information notice (PIN). At the home visit they said they wouldn’t contact him due to the risk, and even rang me before preparing the report to check which partner was the one not to contact.
several months later we were passed onto a new social worker to start the application. I was told it would be her and her line manager’s decision as to whether or not violent ex-partner can be contacted. So me and DH decided together to stop the process as we feel it’s too risky for us and our DS for ex-partner to be contacted (and presumably get an idea of my new location based on who the adoption agency are?).
It feels like it’s down to two strangers as to what compromises my safety, and out of everything the SW wanted to know, these two exes seemed to be the most important? They also want records from the professional I saw at the time (eg counsellors and support groups). There’s been no mention of contacting our current family and friends, and me and DH have been together for ten years but not a lot was asked about our marriage other than to describe each other in three words.
are most agencies like this? Would love to hear others’ experiences