Will I be able to adopt again if I take antidepressants

[teekay88]

Hi again. Sorry I am posting a fair bit recently.

I am already an adoptive parent of a 5.5 year old. I have never once regretted adopting and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me but the last 2 years have been very challenging as his additional needs have come to the fore and we are having a very difficult time with issues at school. I have had depression and anxiety for a long time, certainly since my early 20s but I have been in therapy on and off over the years and for the most part talking therapy has been sufficient. I have a very good therapist who I have seen weekly for the last 2 years and she is brilliant and really helped me.

That said I have been finding my anxiety and depression increasingly hard to manage in the past year. I have to be honest and say a lot of this is situational and of course not his fault but linked to the ongoing strain of dealing with nursery/school issues that have got significantly harder since his start in reception. That said my son is a lot more manageable at home. We have accessed a lot of post adoption support and implement a number of parenting strategies that for the most part are effective and most of the time the stress is in relation to school and it's impact on our lives

However this is not the only cause of my depression and anxiety and it's something I have struggled with longer term due to a number of factors. That said I don't think (or at least hope) that this affects my parenting and I guess you could describe me as (sorry icky phrase incoming) "high functioning". I work full time, manage friendships, most of the time manage my partnership with my husband pretty well etc. But I am finding that I can't get out of the rut over particularly the last 6 months and I have to compartmentalise a lot to get through the day which while it somewhat protects my ability to do what I need to parenting wise and work wise, causes me issues with then feeling very down, exhausted burnt out etc in any downtime that I get. My anxiety is becoming very distracting and starting to impact how I feel I am coping at work although none of my colleagues would pick up on this as I mask a lot to get by

When we went though adoption process for my son at the time my husband was in antidepressants and it was a big deal. We got through it but largely because I myself wasn't on them and was seen as a good support network for him. He still takes them and his mental health is all the better for it and he now copes very well. I am considering the possibility of trying antidepressants but I am concerned that should we wish to adopt in the future I am setting myself up to be rejected and I don't went to jeopardize that possibility. It's abstract because I don't know if we will adopt again but I don't want to close the door on it. Whilst official adoption literature always implies mental health needn't be a barrier our experience and others I've known suggest it can be

I'd be very grateful for any experiences or advice from those who have been in a similar position. Thank you x

Sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. Your mental health has to come first whether it effects your future or not. I don't think it will be a complete barrier but I had the same worry and have been very careful since first adopting what I seek medical help for, bad I know, but I also worried that any issues reported on my file will cause us issues 2nd time around. We are just about to start the process again..

I think the struggles you have with your son and school are more likely to cause issues with a 2nd adoption as it sounds like your hands are full. If antidepressants will help you and your family get through then I'm sure social workers will feel it's good you reached out for help. Don't suffer in silence, but as I said above I know what you mean and why you are concerned about the ramifications down the line.

Just giving this post a bump in case anyone else has thoughts too. Thank you so much needaholiday as it really helps to have someone acknowledge the realistic position I feel I am in. I woke up today exhausted again after another awful night's sleep and feeling drained ahead of a big work day and it just feels the cycle repeats itself every day

@teekay88

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much.
I think your priority should be to focus on the child you have now, not a hypothetical child, and your own health.

Please take this next remark as it is intended to be supportive. How much greater do you think your difficulties would be with another child without the proper medical support.
Lastly - if this was a physical illness you wouldn't think twice about seeking medical help would you?
Get the help you need now, the future will take care of itself.

My husband was on anti depressants for both approval and matching. It was discussed and part of our PAR but was never an issue. It was spun in a way that it was good he recognised poor mental health and was not afraid to take steps to get help.
It seems a very sad state of affairs that yours was given such a hard time. X

For solidarity:

I'm also worried about this issue and am now careful about what I say to my GP as she writes it all up in my notes.... and my notes will be what she refers to down the line when doing my medical assessment for adoption.

I think the answer is to have a supportive GP and a supportive SW - and to come to terms with what may be best for your health and for any child you may try to adopt. We have to be honest about what we're able to offer a vulnerable child needing a strong stable parent(s). Saying this with kindness (and I'm in the same situation as you, although I haven't adopted at all yet.)

Obviously, avoiding seeking medical help isn't the solution.

My advice is to know your limits!
it doesn’t matter what you tell professionals, what matters is your capacity to cope.
My son was very high needs from 2 plus to now, on an oscillating scale.
my daughter physically is high needs, but emotionally was easier until recently
There was about 6 years between adoptions
Right now they are at what should be the easier years, but it feels harder
If you are on the cusp of needing medication now, you should take it for your sake, if it strengthens you then you’ll be in a better place to decide about another to child
if you are on the cusp now, but don’t take any medical help, you aren’t in a position right now to know how you’ll find two a manageable experience
other life events come along as well.
getting around the application obstacles in place is sometimes easier than getting through the experience of parenting

Hey,

We've just adopted and both been on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, our SW wasn't worried at all and said that it shows that we've done something about it rather than sitting in depression/anxiety :)
Don't worry too much! Make yourself the best you can be before doing it again! :)

I've been on and off antidepressants for years, both before, during and after adopting both children. It has had no impact. They just like to know why you are on them and if they are working. I found we were trusted much more the second time round.

I do want to give a small piece of advice. We adopted our daughter and when she was 5 we adopted our son . Our daughter has since been diagnosed with all sorts and our son is an absolute firecracker. Our daughter actually does do ok at school so we thought adopting again would be fine. We were wrong. We have never felt so stressed. I love them both but if you are already struggling with your first child, I would seriously put on hold any thoughts of adopting another because our second child nearly broke us and our first behaved ok!