Hiding

[Pollylong]

Hiya
i like to understand the science/ psychology around my LO actions as it helps me help her.

this one I can’t work out what is going on brain wise. If I pick her up from somewhere she hides from me. For example if I pick her up from nursery she will hid behind the nursery staff and I have to coax her out, she doesn’t do this when her grandparents Pick her up. Today I picked her up from her grandparents house and she hid under the table.

she’s not unhappy to see me, I think maybe its the opposite, she’s happy to see
me, relieved that we are together and maybe that emotion is big that she feels the need to hid

anyone else experience this?

I worry unnecessary that nursery must think she hates coming home with me.

Unsure how old your LO is but my experience is either, it's unable to deal with the big feeling she experiences when she is reunited with you or it's like a punishment type thing at you leaving her. My LO is far more complaint for grandparents so she is probably following normal routine by going to them and leaving as she know this is a step to getting back to you.

I ALWAYS have a sweet crunchy snack for my LO when I pick him up which is pre agreed, so it's like a reunion gift and helps regulate him on the way home.

This is quite usual behaviour im sure nursery aren't thinking more in to it but perhaps a meeting with them about how they prepare her for pick up i.e. 10 mins before, start the countdown time so it's less of a shock to see you.

My LO did this from 2.5 at nursery. They also cried on the way home and held my hand. I took it as a feeling of being overwhelmed. Now they are 4.5 and will walk out with their eyes covered but I think we have successfully turned it into a bit of a game over the years with me saying to his key worker, "Oh goodness you have brought me a bag and jacket and no LO, can you nip back in and get them." This normally brings on some giggles which can be followed with, "What is that giggly sound." I also found as mentioned above that bringing a familiar toy from home or a favourite snack really helps things. I'm sorry I can't explain the response but can offer solidarity in that you are not alone experiencing it x

Mine older one struggles with transitions. For years she struggled to leave the grandparents and it's related to not knowing when she'll see them again. She's got better both as she's got older and also since we adopted number two because she uses him as a way to verbalise and work through her feelings at such times. Arriving at and leaving school was always a struggle until she started going to breakfast/after school club when I went back to work. They're like half way zones between home and school and giving her time and space to adjust.

There are various phrases you can google for more information including rejection sensitivity and anticipatory/preemptive rejection.

Not an expert, but is it possible that If she is worried about transitions, she might go into fight flight freeze or fawn- so maybe her reaction to you is flight because she knows for sure you will come after her/it's now a habit but that isn't a done deal for grandparents so she is more in the fawn state in case they decide not to come back?

Could nursery do some transition work and remind her what is going to happen each day? Maybe have a social story read to her or something?