Its heartbreaking to see your child fear the loss, especially when you know it isn't their first and that on some level it feels like it must shake their world all over again! I was definitely not prepared for my LO to leave his nursery, and I'm pretty good with stuff like that. That being said, @Ted27 is probably right, being matter of fact and clear is a good idea- I try not to promise anything I can't deliver like regular playdates or to stay best buddies, because I think in the long run it diminishes their trust in what you say. Sometimes what they need is a grown up to just say how sad it is and that it's ok to be sad. It's also OK to be excited about xyz and don't worry because your family will always be here for you.
I agree that September is a long time away though, so if it isn't coming from you. I would ask the nursery to tone down any transition work. It should also be done in conjunction with the new school. I would be asking nursery to start social stories after the summer half term. That length of time is too abstract for them at that age, anything over 2 weeks might as well not exist unless it is the mythical future we find!
In terms of the running... I'm also following this thread because goodness me I am not fit enough for the shennanigans my two put me through. The worst is when they go in different directions... anyway. Apart from advising you about the best sprinting shoes...
Reins are good if you know for sure you will be somewhere busy. You can get clip on and off ones that fasten at the back for escape artists and mini houdinis. Prevention is
better than cure etc. In a pinch a scarf through the back of a coat also works. I carry a wrist strap in my rucksack just in case.
Is the running sudden and impulsive? Sometimes my eldest LO gets angry at something I've denied him, and bolts whilst we are just walking home, but i know it is coming so I usually stand my ground, knowing he will only go so far before coming back if I'm calm and just repeat I'm not going to chase him. Sometimes it's squeaky bum times because he is dancing about like a skittish fawn, and if I make a move towards him he darts off because he is in fight or flight. So I stay slow and steady, not making too much eye contact, walking toward him and stopping or slowing, either using humour, saying things like "goodness me, its hard to hear no, isn't it? The good news is that I have a packet of prawn cocktail crisps here ready for you to crunch crunch crunch like a little baby dinosaur. Wait.... do I see....is that a
... teeny... tiny... baby... dinosaur/gruffalo/race car?! It is! Oh come here dinogruffalocar!" Or soothing calm tones like "oh dear, you are running away I wonder whether you have had a bad day, I would really love to hear about it... I wonder if...." all whilst moving slightly closer if possible. Sometimes even things too much so I stop and stare at my phone loudly lamenting how terrible it is that I get to scroll Instagram, faking a few yawns and asking in a very bored fashion whether he is ready to get on with the big old hill yet. (Its an extra power move on your part if he does come back and then you say to him you enjoyed the rest so much, next time could he bring you a cup of tea when he comes back?).
He also threatens to run away. I often find an "oh, are you? How far will you run? My goodness me. What a little marathon runner you are. One day you will make your millions and buy mama a fancy car. Can it have leather interiors?." Helps to show that I don't really believe he will run but gives him opportunities to be distracted by the idea of buying a cool new car for me. then if he does run, I've set myself up for a more humorous response.
Sometimes our LO just bolts and runs because he wants to feel the wind in his hair and the pavement on his feet. At these points I could chase, but I usually have loads of bags or the other one with me, and even if I could thunder down the road like a galloping Hippo, the other l.o couldn't, so there is no point in chasing. At that point I try to make it into a game, give a point further along that he can run to and then if he complies, get him to run to a point closer to you. I say " oh your are running are you? bet you can't reach that tree over there! No, the kne with the green bit on it! The green bit you wally! aaand now back again! Can you get past Mama on your way to the tree? I bet you can't!" Etc. I try to coordinate it with a way of physical contact like high fives or hugs, but this works best if you have done it as a game first. So we have a telegraph pole they know they can run to, or the post box.... and then i always challenge them to run back again. If course, it's risky because they might just keep going, but if they are truly set on a dash, at least I can try to theoretically direct them from afar.
If we have a standoff where he runs off and refuses to return i loudly say that I will never, ever leave him, but I will stand at the corner and eat the sweet I magically found in my pocket unless he comes back, or that it's a shame he can't see the episode of vegesaurs I have on my phone at that moment etc. Thinking of instant rewards for coming back is hard, but mine love looking at pictures on my phone.
I also find that preventing dashing is obviously best, so if I see he is getting angsty I try to ground him a bit without him realising. I might hum a song we both like, or distract him (farts and poo are great for this, he loves a good fart joke) or do something a bit daft like walk backwards or do a silly walk or dance. I also incorporate chasing games into our repertoire so that I can morph a dash more naturally into a game of tag/mama monsters etc.
Other mums on the nursery run must think I've lost the plot!
A useful hint, holding hands with a squirming toddler can end up hurting their hand if they keep pulling out and you have to hold firmly. Holding their wrist helps to reduce the pressure on their fingers and the chance of them pulling out of it.
Its also worth training him in what to do if he runs so far or fast he gets lost. We tell them to stand still and shout for us, or find someone in a uniform or a person with a buggy and tell them he is lost. It helps to build in routines for crossing roads - I always say stop, look left, right, left again, no cars! And even when he is running on his merry way, he won't cross without saying that to himself.
And to work out the cause....
Is he running at certain points? We always have an after nursery dash because the retraint crumbles after school. Does he do it with all people? What reaction does he get from you at the moment? Does that feed the running or bring him in? Is it in all situations? Mine won't run in an unfamiliar environment, but will basically run all the way to nursery on his own of the mood takes him. Could you give him back some elements of control like choosing which way you walk home or how quickly to walk, or whether to run walk or skip together? Is it always with you, or your partner or both of you?
Its hard and scary because it feels like the ultimate loss of control and often it is very public. You can end up shouting after them or running around, neither of which feels particularly authoritative! It's worth taking a moment to really, genuinely assess the risk. Are you near a busy road, or is it a quiet area? Is he actually likely to get lost or could he find his own way home from where you are? Half the battle of not escalating the situation is to keep myself in check and do an accurate risk assessment. it threatens my authority and pride more than anything realistically dangerous a good 80% of the time. How can you limit the damage and risk- and is it actually as risky as you think? Maybe sit down with your other half, think about the areas or routes you normally take and discuss what you would do in each area. So for example, in our local area, we have decided the risk is minimal- he knows the roads, how to cross, knows his way home, could go into multiple local shops who know him etc. So i dont chase him or force a stop, and so far he has always come back, dragging hisnfeet and kicking his heels. If we are in a busy traffic area, chasing him might actually make him less aware and more flighty, so unless you can strike like a viper and grab him for certainty, its wiser to take time defuse the situation. If we are dashing for a train, I'm sorry son it's a grab and go, wrestle you onto the platform and through the barriers, then work it out later. The reason I say discuss it is because you need to both be on the same page about what levels of risk are acceptable for you both so that you can be consistent. If OH has a thing about crossing roads, you being chill won't be any good if he undermines you the next day.
I often find people who don't have kids like mine don't let them half nearly as much freedom in some respects, but his hyper vigilance can work in his favour as long as he isn't so dysregulated he is beside himself because he can notice all sorts of danger.
Its such a tricky balance, and because mine haven't stopped running I'm hoping someone else will be along soon to tell me how to stop it too! But in the meantime, the above made me feel like we had a plan and that I wasn't just spending my time after nursery walloping around the local area chasing a quick as a flash 4 year old defiantly cackling about how he was going to keep running because he liked to watch mama chase him. It isn't perfect, but I do feel more in control and less chaotic if he does go!