Support Network and References

[Olive736]

My husband and I are hoping to.start the adoption process in about 18 months. We have started reading various books, watching documentaries and I have been volunteering with children (via a playgroup and as an IV for a few years now) - though the volunteering is not linked to us wanting to adopt, but appears relevant to the process. My husband has also, when he was not away, been volunteering with me at the playgroup.

One thing that I think is going to be our stumbling block is our support network. I am very close to my family and friends, and speak with many of them daily, but none of them live very close (closest is an hour away.) My husband's family and friends are mostly all abroad.

We are relatively new to our village and area. We have got involved in village life (and everyone has been very welcoming), but have yet to make friends close enough we could call in an emergency.

Does anyone have any advice on how to build this? We will continue to get involved locally, of course.

I know it is a bit of a 'how long is a piece of string', but generally how large should your support network be locally?

I have read a few other threads, and there are a lot of parent and child groups locally, so I am confident we could build a network if and when a child is placed with us. However, unsure how to demonstrate we have one pre-adoption locally.

Another thing that is worrying me is references, the local agencies need 6 references, that know us both. I can maybe get 3 or 4 that know us well as a couple (my husband was in the military until very recently, and was away quite a bit, so hasnt quite got to know all my friends well.) Any advice on this at all?

Thanks and sorry for any silly questions.

Hi @Olive736

Firstly - no such thing as a silly question !

Your referees usually include at least one family member from each side so throw in a parent, sister, brother or two and you should be OK.
Referees don't have to live close to you or have known you for a zillion years.
You have 18 months before you want to apply, so plenty of time to develop the friendships you are making. A referee may emerge over the next year.
You have moved to a new area and are getting involved - great evidence of how you can build a new network.
My family are 2 hours away so not much use on a practical level but gave me emotional support.
So do some scenario planning - you want to have a moan - your family can still listen on the end of a phone.
You run out of milk - are you on friendly terms with your neighbour?
In a real emergency, whilst most of my friends could hold the Fort for few hours, but the reality is they have their own jobs and kids. But they could be there long enough for my mum to arrive.
So they don't have to be best buddies- just people you can call on for different things.
Every adopter will also tell you that your network changes after a child comes home.

You meet other adopters, other families at nursery or school. I have dozens more people in my network now than when I started out.
It can be very daunting when you are starting out and you don't really know what they are looking for, but it sounds like you are doing just fine to me

This is really helpful, thank you!

Personally, I'd get involved in anything your village offers, as a couple: community events, fair trade group, summer fayre, whatever.

Find any folks with kids the age you'd like to adopt and start up conversations. Gradually you will make friends. You might even get to spend time with them and their kids and offer to babysit (if appropriate).

If there is a church with a crèche or Sunday School and you are remotely religious, this might be a good starting point (we are Christians and we both helped at crèche etc when our birth child was small).

Good luck.

Ps we adopted when our birth child was 9 and we were both asked to get experience with kids.