AS (4) has always been "a thrower" when he is cross or frustrated. Anything and everything is thrown when he is cross. We know it is trauma based, and that he really doesn't mean it, it's his way of controlling things, showing us he is angry etc.
However, it is getting increasingly dangerous and difficult as he gets older. Whereas once he couldn't reach dangerous stuff that we put up high, he now can, and although he is only 4, he can throw like an Olympic shot putter on steroids when angry.
He varies what he throws, and you can see him deliberating what to throw as well- so from across the room he will throw shoes, cups, crayons or bags depending on how much he wants the items to hurt. (Linked to attention/connection seeking, but still...) no amount of strategies I have used seem to work, but this is what I've tried so far at various points:
Offering a distraction immediately as he comes in
Validating feelings- you seem angry, I wonder if etc
Trying to get him to breathe
Directing into throwing something else/something soft
Throwing games outside instead, at different times, during the episode, before any potential episodes etc
The usual regulatory things- snacks, drinks, chewellery, tablet time, wrestling/rough play, sensory swing time.
Logical consequences"You throw it you lose it" - then he throws other people's stuff not his own
Changing up the environment- less light, less noise, more light, more noise, fewer toys more toys etc.
Its something thats always just below the surface and there is a constant threat of throwing because it is so easily done and so easy to get a reaction. He will hold things above his head and announce he is going to throw whatever it is. I try to be calm and tell him we don't throw, I understand he is cross but throwing is dangerous etc, but that only works about 3/10 times. Normally whatever it is is winging its way through the air towards its target before you know it. It's now causing physical injury to his brother and damaging stuff Because it is thrown so hard.
Its so stressful because there is literally nothing I can do about it if I want to live in a normal house and not some sort of prison cell where he is allowed nothing but soft toys and surfaces at all times. At any given moment he could lob something at your face, smash a plate or cup on the ground or throw a metal fork at your head. I can't bring myself to eat off plastic plates (yet) but I feel constantly on edge if he is in any way off kilter because if I let my guard down for a second, or deny him anything at all (and of course, his demands are ridiculous because #4yearold) there is a very real and present danger of a barrage of wax crayons being pelted at me or his brother because he wasnt allowd a 4th banana or cake for breakfast.
The problem is that if I talk to anyone else about it, they either dismiss it as a phase (oh my 2year old throws her food in the floor hahahaha) or looks at me like I'm raising an absolute hellion. I need advice from the middle ground, where we can all acknowledge it is trauma based, doesn't make him a terrible kid, but by goodness me i am so, so desperate for it to stop because it bloody hurts and I would like to be able to have a fruit bowl that is for oranges and not wannabe shotputs.
I don't know how much longer my dignity can take being bombarded with hot wheels as I chase him round the kitchen like a demented chicken trying to stop him from giving his little brother yet another black eye from an inopportune car to his face.
Any strategies I've missed? Any recommendations?