Chinese-Western adoption, but the other way around

[CosmicPineapple87]

I know it's a very rare case that this comes from someone with a Chinese immigrant background, but I'm considering whether to take the chance of having a fourth boy or opt for adoption to ensure having a baby girl, despite the challenges of the adoption process. I know it's quite common for Asian kids to be adopted by Western families in the UK, but I'm wondering about the experiences, practicalities, or challenges the other way around, as I couldn't find any. I would love to hear some real-life examples!

Some examples:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-54238642.amp

Lionel Richie and his then wife (both black) adopted Nicole Richie

Not being open to boys will limit your chances of getting matched, of course.

@CosmicPineapple87

Honestly, I find your post very concerning.
If you sole motivation to avoid having a boy, then you won't get very far, and to be blunt in my view nor should you.

Adoption is not a service for adults to complete their perfect family. It's a service for children who have been abused and neglected.
Yes adoption is a challenge but you don't give any indication that you really understand that or that you have any motivation other than to not have a fourth boy.
The assessment process is very through and you will be questioned on your motivations. So if that is your only motivation then you won't be seen as a suitable adopter.

In addition, speaking as a transracial adopter, it's not very common for Asian or black children to be adopted by white families. If at all possible children will be placed with families who reflect their ethnicity

@CosmicPineapple87 Out of curiosity, do you specifically want to adopt a Western child? There is the option of adopting from China (but it costs money) - and, in the past at least, China had more girls than boys needing to be placed for adoption.

I agree with Ted's comment about the purpose of adoption being to find families for children, and not the other way round. Nothing wrong with having a gender preference - it's natural and common - but adoption entails a lot of challenges, which you'll learn about when you start researching adoption agencies' websites. It can't be compared to having a birth child.

@Ted27 Thanks for your helpful advice!!I didn't know much about adoption before apart from the potential for identity crisis in children due to cross-cultural and cross-racial adoption, and I apologise if I seem a bit clueless. although my reasons for considering adoption may be different from most, I figured taking the first small step and learning about it was important. the reality has certainly turned out a bit different than what I initially had in mind, but your insights have opened my eyes to things I hadn't thought about before 😀

@rihanna4 Thanks for the advice! I'm starting to grasp what it takes to become an adopter, thanks to Ted opening my eyes to new insights. To be honest among all the challenges I have learnt from this forum so far my biggest fear that has been holding me back is the possibility of identity crisis in the children and racism due to transracial adoption (from rihanna's link), or maybe I shouldn't worry too much, considering the fact that they will do their best to match families with children of a matching ethnicity.

As for adopting from China, initially I thought that was the perfect solution, but it look like things have changed and they are limiting cross-country adoptions 😥

@CosmicPineapple87

That's a very gracious reply given that I was so blunt.
Trans racial adoption does of course happen but its not that common. It'd partly a numbers game - this is still an overwhelmingly white country, the majority of adopters are white. There is therefore no shortage of white adopters for white babies.

There is however a shortage of ethnic minority adopters and an over representation of ethnic minority children in the system. They therefore tend to wait longer for families as social workers will favour ethnic matches where possible.
I am white, my son is mixed race. I adopted him when he was nearly 8, very old in adoption terms. Not one black or mixed ethnicity family stepped forward. It was me or stay in foster care permanently.
I would be wary of looking to the US for examples or comparisons as the system and society is very different. The case of the Manders referred to in the link was also very complicated.
Adopting a baby is no guarantee of an easy' child. Many issues only come to light when the child starts school or nursery.

You should research trauma, developmental trauma, ASD, ADHD, attachment and attachment disorders, FAS/D , PTSD, for starters.
Issues around race have been the least of my worries over the years.

As a family from a Chinese background you may well be the perfect family for a child of Asian or mixed heritage. It's certainly worth exploring and I do know a family where a black lady fostered a white child, so it's not assumed that the ethnicity of the child and the family will be the same.

Wanting to adopt a girl if you already have boys, or vice versa is not a bad thing, necessarily, (IMHO). Although I think being too fixed in what you are looking for may be considered an issue.

My story is that we already had a child who was born female and we wanted to adopt another child. We felt we would 'cope' with a girl as we knew what to expect (ha ha that is not true anyway!). We did express this to the social worker but we also said we were open.

Then I watched an amazing documentary about boys in the adoption system.

This is not the programme I watched, but it was a bit similar...

When we received the profile for our son, which had no photo and only basic info, I just felt this was the right child for us.

Anyway, good luck with whatever happens. Finding out lots of info is the first start.