Our son is 6 years old, came to us when he was 7 months old. No behavioural or learning difficulties, and I can honestly say he is the best behaved 6 year old I know.
Just before the summer holidays (2023) we asked to meet with the Head about him going from Reception to Year 1. Our child hadn't been put with any of his 3 closest friends and all of those 3 children had been put in the same class together. We were told this was to 'help our son learn with no distractions'. We also asked about Pupil Premium and where it had been spent, as all through Reception we'd not had any information on this.
We now have regular meetings every couple of months, and they sometimes flag things up (not even things that I would say are abnormal for a 6 year old boy).
Our son is a normal (sometimes) boisterous, fun child, he is very active, likes football and running around, and enjoys writing and building Lego at home. He is also very caring and has empathy when his friends are sad and crying. He likes to have banter, is funny, and is maybe more mature and bright that his peers, in that he can hold an adult conversation etc. At home he is well behaved, doesn't have meltdowns or tantrums, knows about consequences to his actions, knows if we count down from 3 (to 1) he will lose something if we get to 1 etc. He is bright, he plays well with his friends, he can follow instruction (football training etc) and is just a lovely kid.
School have put things into place, like if our child is distracting others he's allowed to walk up and down the corridor to 'deregulate' (?!), or if he needs to go to the toilet (which is something he does when he's anxious in new surroundings, i.e. when he started in Year 1) he has a card to allow him to go to the toilet more often, but they also seem to ask 'for a word' on the smallest thing now, ever since we asked for the regular meetings before the summer break...
Today they called me and said they've stated to notice him 'bubbling up again' and that he's displaying 'sly behaviours'. I asked for clarification, and they said he'd asked a kid to poke him in class, then when they did he retaliated and poked them back?!
They also said he'd been taken in at lunchtimes as he was 'hurting another child'. I can honestly say that he would never be the first to hurt someone, but he will retaliate if pushed a couple of times. They said they've put him in 'colouring club' which is at lunchtimes, so now doesn't get to run around and let off energy playing football (which is something we agreed he needed to do), it's also the only time he gets to see his 3 friends, but he's now sat inside colouring, which he hates. They said it's not a punishment it's 'protective action', but he's been taken away from the things he likes and loves, to sit inside to 'deregulate' according to them.... He now says he hates school.
I'm upset because he does not display any of the behaviours they've said at home, and we just don't know what is happening at school to make him behave so out of character. Is it that he misses his friends and gets excited when he sees them, is it that the 'special things' he is allowed to do makes him feel he can get away with more, does he feel segregated so acts up to it, or are they honing in on him because we have almost highlighted him to them?!
If you're still reading, thank you!
He's our only child, we've just been going with what the school suggested, but we're now feeling there are a lot of mixed messages, he's being singled out because they know he's adopted, and he is probably confused.
I just don't know what to do, and as his 'voice' and protector, I want to give him the best education and life I can, and just feel I'm letting him down...