Adult adoptees of the 60/70s handhold

[Redwinesalt]

Just sending positive vibes to us all. 1969 was the peak of adoption of perfectly heathy babies from unmarried mothers. We did no wrong

Sending my very best wishes to you, however no adopted child has done anything wrong.

Our mothers did "no wrong."

There was a policy of single mothers being assumed to be immoral and unsuitable. The irony was that my adoptive mother was a neglectful narcissist but middle class and married so deemed suitable and appropriate.

I really struggle at happy family times. I hate my birthday

@deeprealisation Can you elaborate? Why do you struggle at happy family times?

@op - can you explain the thinking behind your OP? Why the need for a handhold.

Just curious and probably ignorant. Would like to understand why adult adoptees feel this way.

Because we were so often in effect taken from birth mothers for no other reason than religious shame & brought up in families where we are different from parents / siblings. I have contact with birth mother but no real deep connection to anyone except my own DC and I struggle with close bonds to anyone

@deeprealisation Thanks for replying. I'm sorry to hear this.

My mum had my sister in 1967, she was just 22 and married . In the bed next to her was an unmarried 19 year old whose parents had sent her to a mother and baby home in Streatham. She was from Devon. They had told family, friends and neighbours she was in London training to become a nurse. In those days you stayed in hospital for 10 days so my mum became quite friendly with her. My mum has never forgotten her and still gets tearful and angry when she speaks of her. My mum said this young woman desperately wanted to keep the little boy she gave birth to and called Michael but her parents wouldn’t allow it and had made arrangements for him to be adopted. She was heartbroken. 56 years later my mum still gets emotional at the injustice.

Society can never right the wrongs they bestowed upon those women.

www.theguardian.com/society/2023/may/09/victims-of-forced-adoption-step-up-pressure-for-uk-government-apology

An apology from the government would be a step but then there would have to be accountability to all those damaged.

Adult adoptee here. Adopted in the US. Forgive me - but I am struggling to see how this is a 'government' accountability issue ultimately. They may have provided services but in my case my mother's family was driven by their religious views (if anyone is to blame, I'd start with the Catholic Church) and grandiose ideas about their social standing and the implications of having an unmarried mother amongst their flock. Also - my mother would never have been happy with my BF long-term. So, I guess I'd blame the state for restricting access to birth control to unmarried women which may have happened here too?

Interesting post though. My mother (adoptive) feels very sorry for herself (and it's come up this holiday) that they weren't able to adopt another. So few children about, so hard, so expensive, etc. YES! Right after I was adopted Roe v Wade passed in the States (so not hard to understand what changed) and generally speaking access to birth control was improved. So that explains my parents particular issue. My mother is not familiar with the statistic that 4 million children were put up for adoption in the US from 1946 to 1972 before the supply 'dried up.'

@OVienna Here it was similar, contraception was restricted to married women only, there was no legalised abortion and there was no financial support available to single mothers. Social workers existed only in the form of moral welfare workers who were employed by a religious organisation.

The NHS was government funded but the treatment and attitudes expressed to often very young unmarried women would suggest the policy of forced adoption was actively encouraged on maternity units.

It's hard to imagine the NHS at the time taking a super socially progressive view that would have been totally - and I mean totally - at odds with the world around these women, despite the so-called 'sexual revolution.'

I understand you, op, though my adoption was much earlier than yours and I do not fit into the 1960/70s category.

When considering having a child of my own, I really wanted one of my flesh and blood. The bonding and relationship is so different.

Having said all that, I loved my parents; my dad died when I was 23 but my mother on until she was 86, a marvellous grandmother and very supportive. We got on better as I grew older.

Nobody is perfect.