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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Managing Christmas

8 replies

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 07/12/2023 16:06

Received the following guidance from Adopt South, pretty much what we have followed over the years, so may be helpful to newer parents.

https://sway.office.com/s/TNvvDu6rAcicNdbt/embed

Top tips for Families during the Festive Period

At this time of the year, some adopted children and those with additional sensory needs, can be overwhelmed by all the action and reactions they experience over the festive season.

https://sway.office.com/s/TNvvDu6rAcicNdbt/embed

OP posts:
swizzlestix · 10/12/2023 07:24

Theres also a great childrens book called The Very Wobbly Christmas by Sarah Naish ( you can hear it being read on youtube too)

bugaboo218 · 16/12/2023 09:29

Thank you for posting this!

ASDADDY · 16/12/2023 22:13

Such a hard time to navigate. Chocolate and gifts everywhere, people saying things like 'if you're good' etc. Even with us massively trying to keep it low key in the run up to the 25th it's just so much for our AS3.
A well meaning woman approached us yesterday while I was trying to deal with a tantrum in a shop offering my son a bag of chocolate coins and a lollypop, which helped in that moment but then I had the battle with not letting him eat them all there and then. Every day at nursery he comes home with cards with chocolate in them that he is obsessed with opening.
It's really opened my eyes since having children about how commercialised and materialistic this time of year is.

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 17/12/2023 09:27

We never put the Christmas tree up before the end of term. There is no way my DDs (or I) could cope with school routine and Christmas decorations.

Even this year (DD is 19) we don't have indoor decorations up yet. They will go up when DD has stopped for the year which will be on Wednesday.

OP posts:
Torvy · 20/12/2023 09:56

I hope you don't mind me jumping on this thread. It is sort of relevant r.e Christmas stuff.

This is a specific thing, which may not be particularly applicable to all, but wondered if anybody else had any advice? We had only just been placed at Christmas last year, so we barely celebrated at all. This will be our first as a family of four.

I don't think that I was necessarily prepared for the amount and variation of Christmas input from different education settings. Both of the nurseries our kids go to have gone ham on Christmas in different ways, but one has seen santa with them three (3!) Times as part of what they do- once one trip, once as a visit to the library and once as a part of their party. We only knew about one of these prior to it happening. The other hasn't had any santa visits to his nursery. Both have had the same visits to santa planned as part of our own Christmas festivities so it isnt like the big guy hasnt been seen (and roundly ignorned) by both boys, but the jealousy it has triggered has meant that we have had a lot of explaining to do as to why santa visited one's nursery and not the others.

It also means lots of presents were given that are opened immediately because we weren't there and so it's a bit tricky to manage that too.

Then we also can't have presents under the tree because they get opened due to impulsivity, but we get constantly asked by the eldest why everyone else has presents and he doesn't. We explain Santa is bringing them regardless of what anybody says, but he can't really allow himself to believe its ok. We are quite chill and relaxed, weve employed loads of strategies (small interim presents, telling him some of the stuff he will definitely be getting, letting him see us wrap some so he knows he is getting them, dopamine hits from other small novelty items, keeping decorations low key etc). But he is clearly anxious about it, and has been for several weeks.

Sibling relationships in adoption can be quite tricky and complex, and these bloodybsanta visits have added a whole new dimension into it because they felt so out of our control. Next year it won't be as bad because they will be in the same provision, but for any new parents, it's something to watch out for.

Anyway, despite everything, I'm feeling relatively chilled and festive because I've decided to treat myself to a greggs festive sandwich meal deal tomorrow and the kids don't like mixed sandwiches so I'm going to get to eat it all to myself without the nagging for them to have any of it.

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 20/12/2023 10:07

@Torvy Jump away! That does sound hard to manage, and I'm afraid I haven't anything useful to say. Unless you tell them that the Santa visits are just pretend for fun and that the real one is far too busy? 3 times with the same setting seems somewhat OTT.

Ours were 8 & 3 for their first Christmas with us. So we had to set expectations for DD1 as she could remember previous Christmases. For us that meant explaining that she would get a small stocking from Santa, but other things were from family. We also had to walk through how the day would be so she'd know what to expect.

OP posts:
Ted27 · 20/12/2023 10:50

@Torvy

Enjoy your Greggs !!

Jellycatspyjamas · 20/12/2023 15:03

Enjoy your Greggs, it’s such a tricky time of year so do take time to relax.

It took a while for my eldest to trust that she’d get what she asked for for Christmas and birthdays - it took a good two years before she’d even ask or tell us what she wanted. And her brother was in nursery so had repeated Santa type activities.

I think you’re doing great, we realised she just couldn’t tolerate surprises so did tell her the gifts she’d be getting ahead of time and anything she’d asked for that we couldn’t get so she knew. We also planned lots of low key, outdoor Christmas activities like fairy trails, lights walks etc to deliver the dopamine while also tiring her out/running off the adrenaline.

On the day we let them open all their gifts (advice is often to pace opening gifts but my girl couldn’t cope with that uncertainty), we then put things aside for her so she could focus on a couple of things at a time. Dinner was nice but informal, I don’t think we even ate at the table tbh. As the years have gone on we’ve included more traditions but that’s been very gradual and child led rather than me planning as such.

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