Considering adoption

[nctpg]

Well, it looks like I may have some, fairly serious fertility problems and before automatically thinking about IVF I just wanted to explore a few more options.

DP and I are a mixed race couple, DP is black Caribbean, I?m white British. I have heard that they are crying out for people to adopt mixed race children. But I?m just wondering if anyone knows if any of these things will go against us.

DP is 46 I?m 29, are there any upper age limits? DP has 3 DC?s with his ex who we have a great relationship with and see regularly although not such a great relationship with his ex. Will they talk to her about what kind of a father he?s been? He is a wonderful father but she will almost defiantly say otherwise.

I?ve also had quite serious depression in the past, which included some self halm and a suiside attempt. This was several years ago and I am fully recovered now but I got treatment for it through the NHS so it?s on record.

I know absolutely nothing about adoption at the moment so would love any input at all. Thanks for reading.

Hi nctpg. We adopted ds after infertility, although we did try IVF first.

I don't think that age will go against you. You are quite young, probably younger than most people who apply to adopt, and your DP is probably in the average age range.

They would definitely want to talk to your DP's ex, and probably your DP's children too, but I'm sure your social worker would be able to make allowances for his ex's possible hostility.

However I have a feeling that your health problems may be an issue for some local authorities, especially if you have been suicidal. It might be best to sound things out before you make a decision either way. You can phone the permanant placement team of your local authority and they will send you some information and probably get you and your dp in for an informal chat. You could also try contacting one or two of the independent agencies as well.

If you do decide to go ahead then the assessment process will focus on how you have overcome your health problem and your social worker will want to be able to show in her report that it's unlikely to be a problem in the future.

I'm not sure if there is anyone on MN who has adopted after a history of depression, perhaps someone will be able to give a bit more info.

i think that if any agency were seriously considering your application , they would ask the panels medical advisor for a report first. He or she would get a report from your GP and probably your psychiatrist.

This is to save you going through the whole process and being turned down at panel. I believe its now standard practice for any significant medical issues. Apparently this also includes being overweight

Do you know that you would be expected to have finished any assisted conception treatment BEFORE even starting the adoption procedure? you cant run them concurrently. Also you cant do it "secretly" as your Gp has to provide a medical report to SS

Thanks for your replies.
I did read about having to have finished any assisted conception on my local authority web site. So it really does have to be one or the other. But do you know how they feel about trying IVF after having adopted?

Good idea bran- I'll ring them and try to get an appoinment to have a chat with them re all the issues there may be.

We really are at the beginning of the process of deciding what to do next and I may be posting about various things over the next few weeks/ months. Thanks!

We are in the process of adopting a sibling group and we considered applying to adopt with the intention of trying IVF further down the line, but were told we couldn't.

We were faced with a dilemma as it would have been better for our kids to have a stable future sooner, but felt we had to complete the fertility treatment and in fact it helped us to close that door. When it was unsuccessful, we then proceeded to be assessed to adopt.

I hope you can make the right decision for you and your partner. Meeting with someone fromt-pyu LA would be an excellent next step as they can give you much of the informaiton you need to make a decision.

Bop

what you do after you have adopted is really nothing to do with them. Once the chld is legally adopted SS play no further part (unless in a support role as requested). Howver my advice would be not to discuss with them that you may plan to try this, best just to say you are finished with assied conception and wish to move on. It could easily take 3 years to get apporved and matcehd - are you young enough to put IVF off that long? I'd stringly advise against putting if off if you are over 30 as you may be 35+ before you get back to it and fertility rates start dropping around that age.

kewcumber and mummybop are both right

Kc is right that once you have an adoption order in your hand, SS can do nothing. however, it could easily take you 3 years to have a child placed. then you have to get an order, which could take a further year or so, depending on the circumstances of the child.So you woudl be thinking about starting IVF when you would be mid 30s and your Dh would be 50. i am not an expert, but i would have thought that your chances of success are better now

i really don't see how you could possibly cope with a child placed with you AND do IVF. Both are HUGELY emotionally demanding and with your history, i think you woudl be setting youreslf up for trouble ( sorry to be so blunt)

As mummybop says, you should speak to some local adoption agencies. As you are already aware, your own medical history may be an issue

hi nctpg, we did ivf first then adoption and im glad we did, at least you know you have tried your best for a birth child.you would be in much demand as a mix raced couple. we are going for our 2nd soon and have been told we could have one by sept. one couple i know, the woman had anorexia and depression when she was younger, they ended up having to go to the states, it was about 8 years ago so i dont know if it will have changed now. tell them as little as possible about your future plans of ivf. we had to agree to using contraception while going thru the process with dd.i dont know how they could have enforced it.
dont forget eveytime you go thru ivf and it doesnt work its devastating,a loss, its hard work and very stressfull.

nctpg - hi. We have successfully adopted through our local authority. I had a long history of eating disorder and had had NHS treatment, so it was on my records. The SWs and the GP were keen to ensure it was all in the past and that I would be aware enough to seek help immediately should it ever recur. It did feel very invasive at the time, but they were right to quizz me and DH about it. He basically reassured them that he knew me well enough to tell if I was on an even keel or not.

I second what everyone else has said about not combining IVF with adoption assessment.

As a mixed race couple you would be of great interest to many agencies.

Good luck x