Medical and past abortion

[CocoMitzie]

We have just started the process of adoption and I am concerned as I have a history of terminations, one around 20 years ago and also about 38 years ago. I’m not young! I feel they are not relevant now but understand I will have to show how I have dealt with it. I am wondering if anyone can give an insight into how this is discussed- is it a really long in-depth examination with the social worker about them generally or are they likely to consider the time period and just briefly consider it. Thank you for any information

[Whatthechicken]

They will talk about it, talk about reasons maybe. I doubt it will be too in-depth (I don’t think they were with me) as long as you have dealt with it emotionally. Are you able to talk about it?

[CocoMitzie]

Thank you . Yes I can but as it was so long ago it will feel strange and I would rather not if I’m honest

[Whatthechicken]

I understand - they will want to cover it though. I think when they spoke to me, I acknowledged that it was a sad event for me (and it's ok to still be sad), but ultimately the right decision as I was young and in no position to parent a child, financially or emotionally and the conversation moved on pretty quickly. I think, like with many of our life events, if they sense any reluctance to discuss, they will want to explore further as they will maybe think it hasn't been properly dealt with. It is a strange process and sometimes the stuff which is explored seems of little relevance to us because of the time that has passed. They contacted an ex of mine from 20+ years ago (which I think he found quite bizarre too). All the very best for the process, it is tough and it's intrusive, but very worth it.

[Whatthechicken]

Sorry, I've just remembered something - it was brought up in panel by the chair - not as a question but as a statement in our favour that we had both experienced loss, but had been able to heal and move on whilst still being reflective that they were sad events. My husband and his first marriage and my abortion.

[CocoMitzie]

Thank you - that is very helpful

[CocoMitzie]

Thank you. Yes, I just asked the only other person I have lived with if they had received a reference yet and they had not. My partner’s ex will either not respond or will be very negative I’m 100% sure so not sure how far they will want to pursue that either. Thank you for sharing your story 🙏

[Whatthechicken]

Don't worry about ex partners so much, the SW know it can sometimes not be an accurate representation.

[CocoMitzie]

Thank you - yes I thought that may be the case.