Ongoing adoption order saga

[Wonkavision]

Hi all

I just need a vent with like minded people.

in a nutshell , our adopted kids finally arrived last October after a lengthy delay due to BD opposing adoption.

there has been numerous court hearings this year , as he continues to oppose. Now he says he doesn’t oppose the adoption , wants a contact order now, therefore lengthens the process again.

we are against any face to face contact. Mainly due to risk to the kids and historic concerns. Also a final goodbye was done last year for one of the kids , to be fair introducing BD again we feel would have implications for this child.

also BD was against a same sex couple adopting these kids. He made it very clear his thoughts on this. Although we’ve been told this was said in emotion, we can’t help but feel it wasn’t.

we’ve been told that he more than likely will get contact. It is so unfair , the kids have come on so much whilst being with us. We feel like we’ve been backed into a corner and nobody seems to be taking on board what we’re saying and our concerns.

we’ve always agreed to letterbox, and then supporting the kids when they are older. They are too young and the emotional impact on them would be too great.

we’re 13 months in this process and we’re no further forward. We feel very defeated and down trodden. Kids SW doesn’t seem to be very supportive in some respects, we feel that she has known he always wanted face to face contact.

anyways thanks for listening to our rant.

[LittleBear21]

That sounds really hard and worrying. I'm sorry it's being drawn out this way and proving such a battle. It must be very tiring to have this as a background stress. I don't think I'd have managed this long; so well done for finding the energy to keep going.

Who has told you BD is likely to be granted contact? I had thought direct contact was very unusual. But I really only have experience of our own process and direct contact was never raised in our case (in England).

I'm wondering if now is the time to get some independent legal advice if the SW is not being supportive. In your shoes I'd want to be pushing back hard on contact altogether; or failing that making sure it's as limited as possible (e.g. once a year). Feels like you need someone representing just your voices in this, if that's possible.

[Beetham]

@Wonkavision I agree this sounds very stressful and protracted. I also had lots of delays during matching due to lots of issues including contact although out specific situation is different. We've been in limbo for a while but thankfully new IRO is proactive and keen to get the legal orders finalised, I have continued to make sure this is discussed at every LAC review.

What was in the APR, at that stage what was the LA proposing as being in the children's best interests? If they were advising letterbox then why has that changed other than BF pushing for it?

I agree with littlebear that seeking independent legal advice may be best, especially if the LO's social worker seems passive on the issue as if there are any contact arrangements agreed in the AO this would have lasting ramifications.

[Thatgirl1981]

you need legal representation
I would be telling them you agreed to adoption this is long term foster care

[Italiangreyhound]

I'm so sorry, this must be tough. I hope things will work out.

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice. I hope that the needs of the children will be put first and that you will get some resolution.