Agency hasn’t been truthful

[CoupleXY]

Hello,

We are in stage one with a national agency and not too happy.

Things started well, from initial information through to first home visit. However, having taken a couple of visits since the visit we are questioning everything.

In 2021 I had therapy sessions due to a recent medical diagnosis, which had left me with anxiety about going to hospital for treatment. On the interest form, I declared that I had been to therapy. It was in black & white, the agency would contact my therapist to confirm the dates.

Last week I received a voicemail from my therapist who sounded extremely concerned. I called her back and she said “the agency are being extremely invasive, they want a full mental health report and all notes from sessions disclosed”. She said, she’s never seen anything like this from an agency and would not give the information even if I consented.

I’m really not happy with the agency, saying one thing and then doing something different.

We are now thinking about having a break and starting with a new agency.

Has anyone else had issues where things don’t stack up?

Hi, can I send you a PM please? X

Yes please

Hi @CoupleXY

Yes your SW has completely overstepped.
Personally I would make a formal concerns to the Head of Service, and then move on to another agency.
I changed agencies for very different reasons but it was the best decision I could have made.
Be honest with any other agency you approach as to the reasons why.
Good luck .

This sounds really unusual. I had extensive, intense therapy before adopting. My therapist wrote a letter basically saying I’d had X sessions and how well I’d done and that was it. It was actually seen as a huge positive through our whole process and was one of the reasons we were chosen for our little boy over another couple!

Yup, this is totally not the case with our “lovely” social worker.

This isn’t the first time they have overstepped the mark, for my partners work they interviewed HR and her line manager. HR had to stop them a couple of times with the questions being asked.

When we first met our social worker, we felt a gut feeling. I’m glad we aren’t overreacting with how we are feeling.

I think it's good theyre being so invasive, if there's nothing to hide there won't be a problem ,birth families have to put up with invasive assessments having they're private life invaded why should they treat adopters any diffrent if they're going to take people's children and let someone else raise them they need to be sure these people are what they appear to be and safe , these are some of the most vulnerable children and predeters adopting for the wrong reasons can slip through the net

There has been a recent case where an adopter to be killed the baby who had been Placed with her. It transpired that information regarding her MH hsdnt been fully disclosed/obtained.

Adoption Agencies have got to cross all the it's and dot the eyes to ensure they have a full relevant background of anu any prospective adopter.

I would not have expected a SW to only request the dates of therapy. I would also not expect.a SW to say that's what they are going to ask for and then request chapter and verse.

They do need information about any therapy but a covering letter answering specific questions should suffice.

In terms of my very historical MH issues and anything else that I knew would be flagged up I told them everything. And way before they asked.

SW's need to know that potential Adopters will be able to cope with newly placed children hitting, kicking, biting, throwing things, screaming/crying for hours on end, spending huge chunks of time weekly battling to get therapy, deal schools that dont get it, parent blaming.

There are sadly Adopters who mistreat/abuse their children. @Kite1 has been very vocal about their experiences. Or adopters who have a child placed and they cant cope and Disrupt as they weren't prepared/equipped for the incredibly incredibly challenges that they face.

Everything I have written has tried to be about prospective Adopters in general.

Last week I received a voicemail from my therapist who sounded extremely concerned. I called her back and she said “the agency are being extremely invasive, they want a full mental health report and all notes from sessions disclosed”. She said, she’s never seen anything like this from an agency and would not give the information even if I consented.

Yep, as everyone says, that's really not on. I've had more serious conselling than you describe and there was nothing like this. You need to make a complaint to stop this happening to others and will probably need to swap to another agency.

I think it's good theyre being so invasive, if there's nothing to hide there won't be a problem ,birth families have to put up with invasive assessments having they're private life invaded why should they treat adopters any diffrent

I'm assuming you don't have much experience of adoption? BPs don't have notes of their therapy shared with SWs- the only situation where something like that would ever happen to anyone is where a therapist suspects immediate threat of harm to another.

I agree it's unusual that they initially said hey only wanted brief details from your counsellor, your SW should be asking for (appropriate!) details from your counsellor and work, I know my work one was very thorough as HR accidentally cc'd me in.

The big issue is that at best your SW had unclear communication or more likely what you suspect as her misleading you. It's so important you feel you can trust your SW, I trusted mine implicitly and this became even more important when LO's placing agency weren't truthful about some very major issues and I found out by accident from the foster carer- I knew she had my best interests at heart, I saw her fight for my LO to ensure that we could put measures in place to make the placement work. I wouldn't be my LO's parent without the quality of her practice and I'm forever grateful.

Stage 1 is the easy bit, if it's not working now it doesn't bode well for later, I agree with above to look for another agency

Thanks all, I appreciate everyone’s views.

We spoke to another agency yesterday about everything we have experienced so far.

We have decided to move to this new agency and will putting a compliant in to the old agency. Tried to ring our SW three times this week, left voice messages but they haven’t responded. I’m glad we are starting a fresh.

donquixotedelamancha
I was adopted as a child so actually I have alot of experience 😅 and have dealt with socail as a parent so yeah I think maybe you don't have much experience yourself

It's worrying to me that there is this process in place to protect vulnerable children ending up with abusers yet seemingly if you don't like how thorough an agency is being you can just go to another to see if they are easier to get by this thread is unsettling even more so some of the comments advising to just use another agency to avoid being told your unsuitable

@Kite1

you are misinterpreting the situation
CoupleXY has properly disclosed to the agency that there was an issue and therapy was undertaken. That would also properly be explored further in the actual assessment.
The process does not give SW the right to access private medical information.
Its not about prospective adopters trying to get an easier ride through the process or avoid being told you are unsuitable. Its a matter of trust and building a relationship between the adopter and the agency. Sometimes it just doesnt work and its better to move on.

@Kite1 you are misunderstanding the situation here.

I can hear you are in distress, @Kite1. You're not going to find answers to your distress aiming this at adopters and potential adopters here. This is not going to make you feel better.

I can understand them being "hotter" on checking out whether therapists have concerns. But that should be it. Your therapy is confidential. Changing agencies is entirely normal if you don't gel with the social worker- it's too important not to.

+1 with it’s important to gel and trust your SW and we don’t have either.

Our first experience from this was an email at 7pm from our social worker wanting all documents ready for her meeting. Her meeting was at 9am the next day and I was on a flight back from Paris with work.

We fully expect the process to be difficult, invasive and request even more information. If the agency and SW has been upfront this would have been a different story from this thread.

But we’re not prepared to have half stories told to us, expect to prepare all documents last minute due to “admin error”.

ohmustyou
Am I allowed to comment on things without your condensing comments ? I'm not interested in your assumptions of how I feel ,I commented my opinion on this thread as others have ,nothing to do with aiming anything at adopters ,the way you keep trying to weaponise the fact I've suffered abuse to invalidate anything I comment is disturbing especially if you have adopted children who've suffered trauma, may God bless all the children adopted and walk with them to freedom from abuse of all forms

@Kite1

I hope you find what you need, but not every thread is about you.

ohmustyou
Thanks for again having to have another dig I hope you find some humility somewhere