Guidance

[adoptionissues]

Hi all,

So a little background.
Me and my ex partner were together for some time.
I found out that they had a criminal conviction of independent images of children (disgusting) and to my utter horror, their conviction ended up on my DBs (as a 3rd party disclosure). Some time later, the relationship ended (due to other issues as well. (I was young and naive and didn't see any evidence of them looking at pictures of children)).

I'm now happily married, and me and my partner are now looking into adoption. I have been assured that my DBs will be cleared of any information relating to my ex. My partner doesn't know about my ex's conviction as we havent spoke about it and I really don't want to have that conversation. And I'm pretty sure that would be a confidentiality breach too to discuss my ex's conviction.

My question is, do I have to have that conversation with a social worker about my ex? We live a long distance away from each other, like 300 miles and we have no contact. I haven't spoken to the ex in years and I am worried this will hinder my adoption process Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

I think it’s wise to see what reason the ADM gives for their decision. While procedural errors are a pain, you need to be clear about why they’re saying “no”. Can you see why they’d be concerned about you continuing to live with a known sex offender for 5 years post separation in the context of placing a very vulnerable child? That’s the part that would concern me and procedural errors won’t change the fact that that concern exists. What would you have done differently if you had known the visit was for a second opinion?

Hi.

I totally understand where they are coming from, and i appreciate the scrutiny of this. However, when I discussed my ex at length during the home study, I spoke about everything. Our SW said it was ok. I feel its important to note that I lived in a domestic abusive environment. Again, something I have told our SW.

Unfortunately, since someone new has taken over, thats when I got the negative recommendation and then a no from the adm.

Had i have known about the second opinion visit, it would have allowed me to be prepared it.

Thanks all

That someone new may have more experience than the previous social worker, the agency protocol may have changed in light of the death of Preston Davey, or the ADM may have concerns. I’d be surprised that any social worker would say your history was fine to be honest, I’d expect them to prepare you for a lot of questions at panel because of the very vulnerable children they have to place. I’d have expected him/her to have explain whether there was anything you could do to support your application (eg therapy, reading, written reflection) because really staying for so long with a known sex offender is a big hurdle to overcome, domestic abuse notwithstanding.

I know it’s very hard to reach this point and to feel you might fall at the final hurdle but there’s rightly a lot of scrutiny in adoption assessment particularly at the moment. Hopefully the ADMs letter will give you a clearer sense of why they’ve made that decision.