Awful relationship with my AS

[Gafan]

I have been on here approximately a year ago with the struggles I have with my 7.5 year old AS.
In a nutshell we just don't get on we argue constantly, I am having therapy and it does help and he has a play therapist too but we just seem to be stuck .
It sounds silly like you know your the adult how can you argue but omg he is such hard work 😭. If it was a different relationship ie friends partner I would walk away but I can't.
I think it's just got to the point where I don't want to try anymore I can't keep making myself miserable and so low that I just want to walk away.
Last September my child and hubby went away for the weekend and I stayed in our home. I just chilled out I didn't communicate with anyone IE friends arranged to go out. I obviously spoke to hubby and child but it was lovely I just felt happy I didn't miss them which was worrying.
Everyone tells me I'm a brilliant parent etc but tbh I just don't care I just want to be happy and I'm really not.
Any advice would be grateful

I can completely relate.

therapy for both me and my son has helped but I see you’ve already got that in place. That’s good. You need a safe space to explore this as does he.

also, self care was huge for me. With work and running a house, I was burnt out and irritable so everything got to me. Lowering standards at home and time off work was enough to reset things for me which meant I was more tolerant of my sons behaviour.

workibg on my own self regulation was key. I would feel myself getting angry so would take a time out of whatever the argument was. If it was possible, I used to swap with my husband a lot when I was getting overwhelmed. It helped me keep more regulated and made a difference (because I was less likely to answer back).

I learnt to respond with a non confrontational manner eg if that’s your opinion, I don’t see it like that but I respect your ideas even to the most ludicrous suggestions. Also, sometimes just saying I don’t want to talk about this or your talking nonsense chatter (the monologue which makes no sense) but if you want to have a conversation then we can. I came to realise what is just words in overdrive and didn’t need a response from me and what was just an argument with himself.

most importantly of all, rupture/repair. And apologise if needed.